Today’s been a bit of a struggle for a number of reasons. The most obvious is the COVID19 stuff but today is also the one year anniversary of my grandmother’s passing. I’ve been a bit distracted today so it didn’t really hit me until bedtime.

The kids found me crying in my room tonight and I had to remind them of what day it was, which created distress for them.

It sucks losing family and she was the end of an entire generation. I really miss her.

Gavin had a few blow outs today and I’m not sure what is going on with him. He doesn’t remember about my grandma, or at least that today was a significant day. He’s been decompensating due to everything happening around him, mainly the COVID19 worries. It’s taking a toll on him.

He’s immunocompromised and so we have to take precautions. I’ve explained all of this to him, countless times but it doesn’t register. He thinks he’s more likely to catch COVID19 and I don’t that that’s the case. The concern is that if he does become infected, that he will not be able to fight it off.

This whole thing is a mess and he’s becoming overwhelmed.

I’m spending a great deal of time simply diffusing him throughout the day. It’s exhausting, frustrating and it’s creating distress for his brothers.

That said, Gavin and I talked at length today and in the morning were going to start working on some new ideas that might help him. I’ll explain that later, right now, I’m going to try and get some sleep while I can.

I hope all of you are safe and healthy. Be smart, and take care of each other.

I miss you grandma.  