It’s been a pretty good day here in The Autism Dad household. The boys first day of school went well, and there were zero complaints or concerns brought up about the new school year. Also, our homemade pepperoni rolls were a hit. 😊

They brought art class back this year and both boys are super excited, especially Elliott who’s huge into expressing himself via artwork. He was really upset when they dropped art a couple of years ago due to funding.

I’m so grateful they had a good day and that everything went smoothly for them. A rough first day can set the tone for the rest of the year. I have to take Gavin with me now to pick the boys up but he doesn’t mind at all, but his talking makes it hard to use the time for writing.

I did notice something different at pick up. The doors are now one-way glass, so you can’t see into the building. I’m guessing it’s safety/privacy thing and that’s cool. It’s just new and worth mentioning.

On the way home, we filled our water jugs and spent the rest of the day hanging out around the house.

The kids have started to open up about their feelings in regards to our current family situation. It’s important that they talk to someone about this and I want to make sure they know that I’m here if and when the need or want to talk. Gavin’s in his own little world and mostly oblivious to what’s going on around him. Elliott and Emmett are both hurting and worried about me at the same time. While I appreciate that, it’s important that they not feel they need to take care of me because they don’t. They don’t need to be strong for anyone. They are allowed to feel whatever the fuck they feel. I just don’t want them bottling everything up inside.

They’re not naive. They know I’m hurting and they know I miss my wife. They know that this wasn’t my decision and I have no control over any of this. They don’t know details about anything beyond the obvious because it’s grownup stuff. I just keep reminding them that I’m allowed to be sad, just like they’re allowed to be sad. We’re all going to have good days and bad days. There will be things that trigger emotional reactions as we move forward and that’s okay. Just because I’m sad, doesn’t mean I’m not okay or that I won’t be okay. I remind them that I’m getting help to deal with my feelings and that my main job right now is being there for them. Their main job is to be kids.

Life is going to be a work in progress but we will find our way. Things are hard right now but they will get easier with time. We’re all hurting badly at the moment and we will as long as we need to, but we will eventually heal.