The best of intentions

Every day I set out to do better… Every day I have a list of things that need to be done. Things like,  laundry,dishes and random other household chores that always seem to get pushed off to another day.

Truth be told,  I’m bothered by my inability to get these things done. 

Every day that I wake up and see these things still needing to be done adds a few more pounds to the ever increasing load I find myself carrying from day to day. 

I’m also aware that there is a tendency to erroneously associate ones parenting ability with the condition of the house.  I find myself on many occasions,  feeling guilty that I can’t seem to ever get anything done. I feel like my kids deserve a clean house and I erroneously associate their happiness with the things that really don’t seem to matter them..

I have been really stressed out lately over things like the house,  problems in our neighborhood and even the repairs to our van,  that is once again in the shop.

The problem is that I always seem to get pulled away from the task at hand by one or more of my 3 boys on the Autism Spectrum.  In truth,  this is frustrating at times because I’m not built to live in chaos but instead, I prefer more of an organized lifestyle.  I’m not referring to an OCD type thing,  just a better managed and more comfortable environment,  where things get put away when they are not being used.

Having said that,  something has happened today that caused me to remember what I so often seem to forget and I thought it might be beneficial to you, so I thought I would share.

I woke up this morning and was in a rush to get the boys dressed and off to school.  I’m exhausted from everything and so I was more intensely bothered by the condition of my surroundings.

After the boys were off to school and we were settled in for a bit,  I focused on trying to relax. 

I was experiencing more frustration because we double booked ourselves today and that drives me crazy.  So I had to drop Lizze off and then take Emmett to therapy.

This is when it happened.  As I’m driving,  battling the insanity that is the holiday traffic I heard something that caused a very sharp and rapid change in my perspective. 

It started out faint,  like a whisper and then build up. It was Emmett and he was singing the alphabet. 

Sure, I heard him sing it before but for some reason,  it was different this afternoon.  As I listened to him singing,  he switched between counting and the alphabet.  I caught myself singing along with him.

Then it hit,  Emmett was singing…. More than that,  he was talking.  I was actually singing the alphabet and counting with my 3 year old little boy that could speak this time last year.

At that point it hit me.

With all the things I have mistakenly placed value on that don’t get done around the house,  something truly miraculous and much more important did.  My son is talking,  heck,  my son is singing. 

While it’s true,  the house is usually a mess and there are almost always dishes and laundry patiently waiting to get done,  those aren’t the things that matter.

It took something as simple as Emmett singing the alphabet to help.me realize just how much we have actually accomplished and how far we have traveled,  with our little ones, on this journey through life with Autism. 

I’ll probably still find myself frustrated when constantly getting pulled away from the things I need to accomplish.  However,  what I’m getting pulled away to do is often more important than what I was already doing.

In the end,  when I’m looking back on my life, I will regret more,  the things I didn’t do,  more than the ones I did. 

Simply put,  if I don’t allow myself be pulled away at times, from the everyday things in life by my children seeking attention,  there will come a point in life that I’ll regret it.  A point where I would do anything, say anything, for a chance to be pulled away again.. 

Food for thought…….

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