Hey folks. It’s been a couple days since I’ve written anything other than an update on my tumultuous relationship with Paxil and there’s a good reason for that. That good reason is, I’m fucking miserable. I’m anxious, stressed, emotional, not sleeping, nauseated and freaking out.

None of this is really new information because it’s the same side effects I’ve been struggling with since I took my last dose of Paxil, exactly one week ago today.

Rather than focus on my current disparity, I want to catch everyone up on some of the things I’ve been meaning to write about but haven’t, because of the stuff in the previous two paragraphs.

School Related

It was a shorter school week because of teacher in-service and end of the quarter stuff. The kids are home today but they were also home yesterday as well.

Emmett’s not been feeling well all week and Elliott wasn’t feeling well yesterday.

We were going to try to get them to school yesterday because I had to get Lizze to a very important appointment at the Cleveland Clinic. This couldn’t be rescheduled and as I said, it was of significant importance.

We ended up deciding to take the boys with us because they felt well enough to go along for the ride. If we had sent them to school and they needed to come home, there was literally no one to get them and nowhere for them to go. Both sets of grandparents are still dealing with the flu and were in no position to step in to help if needed.

I think at this point, the overwhelming issue with the boys is Anxiety related. The stomach aches are likely a result of that extreme anxiety. Where the anxiety stems from and what we do about it are still unknown. What we do know and can all agree on, is that it seems to center around the school.

I’m so thankful that the school is so willing to work with us in regards to these challenges. That does make a bad situation, a bit easier to manage.

The Cleveland Clinic

We dropped Lizze off at her appointment and I figured we would get something to eat and wait for the call. What ended up happening was something entirely different.

Noone wanted to stay in the car and Emmett wanted to go see the huge, color changing wall in the main tunnel. We parked in the deck and decided we would walk through the hospital, to where Lizze’s appointment was. I thought it would do us all some good to go walking.

As we were leaving the Main Campus and heading to the Crile Building, we discovered something really awesome. The Cleveland Clinic was hosting a Patient Safety Fair and we were just in time to partake.

Emmett was especially sucked in because he loves learning and being asked questions. They made this whole thing very accessible to children and adults alike. Every booth had little swag items and candy, which is unusual because it’s nearly impossible to find anything with sugar at the Cleveland Clinic.

The boys learned about things like fire safety, signs of stroke, radiation in everyday objects, hygiene, food safety and a ton of other things.

There were bingo cards given to the boys and they received a stamp at each booth. When they got bingo, they were ended into a drawing for some really cool Cleveland Cavs things.

Lizze ended up meeting us there. We finished our tour of the fair as a family, before heading to get some lunch and getting Lizze to her next appointment.

Check out the pictures from the Patient Safety Fair at the Cleveland Clinic.

[foogallery id=”74584″]

Maggie

I do have a bit of good news. We had a consultation with our vet in regards to Maggie.

Maggie is about 11 or 12 years old, losing her vision, hearing, sense of smell and seemingly a portion of her mind.

I’m been very concerned about her because it sometimes feels like we’ve reached a point where we’re keeping her around for us and not taking her best interest into account. That doesn’t sit well with me.

All things considered, Maggie checks out and is physically doing well. The vet says that most animals will adjust quite well to losing these senses. Maggie is not suffering or in any kind of pain. She’s eating, drinking and using the bathroom outside. These are all very positive signs.

We’re going to out any major decisions on hold for the time being and see how things go. Our vet will tell us if and when it’s time, especially if we don’t see it ourselves.

Problems with Gavin’s IVIG Infusions

This morning, Gavin needed his IVIG infusion. He got the whole thing going on his own but unfortunately, both infusion sites leaked and the needles needed to be re-stuck a total of three times.

Gavin was freaking the fuck out. I did my best to both be patient and help him fix the problem. It wasn’t easy because I’m not in a good place to start with and his behaviors were driving me crazy.

We ended up having to use an entirely new needle set, which will make us short one at the end of the month.

Part of the problem is that Gavin’s too gentle when he’s placing the needles. He needs to put some force behind it, so the needles can properly infuse the medication. The other problem is that Gavin is something south of 5% body fat. That makes it very difficult to perform this procedure because it needs fatty tissue.

Gavin’s down to 128 lbs and can’t seem to gain any weight. That’s another story for another day though.

In Desperate Need of a Car

Our car is pretty much on its last leg. My Dad and I replaced the back brakes earlier this week. I’m so grateful for his help. The blower motor was the week before that and that was the second blower motor in six months. There’s so much more that needs done. The frame is rusting through, the suspension is bad, Ty-Rods broken, front bearings are shot and there’s a short somewhere that keeps killing the turn signals. That’s just what’s on the forefront of my mind. It’s not worth fixing anymore but I’m paying for repairs required to keep the car safe for now. The kids barely even fit anymore and there’s no way to fix that.

I had to reschedule a Cleveland Clinic trip earlier this month because of issues with the car.

The problem is at this point in time, replacing the car is an impossibility. Financially speaking, we’re doing better than we ever have. Unfortunately, that doesn’t translate into a new car or even the ability to finance one.

For right now, I’m doing the best I can and count myself lucky to have family that are either mechanics or very experienced in car repair. Their willingness to use their knowledge and experience to physically help with doing the repairs, is a true godsend for us.

I’m the one people go to for computer, tech or social media help. It’s a nice give and take kinda thing.

Struggling

I’ve really been struggling to hold things together right now. The last couple of days have made me not so much fun to be around. Ask Lizze, I’m sure she’ll vouch for that.😁

I’ve been short with my family and I feel terrible about it. I’m stuck in a sort of survival mode. I’m more focused on my physical survival at times, than meeting the needs of everyone else. That’s not like me at all and I feel so shitty for that.

I’m seriously counting the minutes until I’m back to my old, healthier, happy and higher functioning self. This whole thing should be a temporary situation until my body adjusts to no longer having Paxil present.