Emmett John is starting to go back to giving me a high five by putting his head in my hand. He is becoming more and more destructive. He lashes out at Elliott Richard for seemingly no reason at all. He’s still waking up every night screaming hysterically. I’m completely lost anymore.

It’s such a helpless feeling when your child is hurt, scared or upset and you don’t know which it is and what is causing it. This wait for early intervention and autism clinic is excruciating. I can tell you that I wouldn’t wish this on anyone. I wish people understood just how all encompassing this is. Our whole life right now revolves around Emmett John and Gavin. Unless you have been in my shoes (like many of you have) you cannot possibly understand how exhausting this is. How emotionally and physically draining it is.

Words cannot express the feelings of quilt, inadequacy, anger, frustration, helplessness, hopelessness and loneliness I feel right now. I can’t make these waiting lists shrink faster. I can’t help him learn to talk. I can’t even help with what I’m sure are sensory issues because I don’t know what the triggers are. It’s like know something is hurting him but I can’t find what it is. I need a him to catch a break.

LT