This will be Christmas number two, since I was thrust into the world of single parenting.
There are a ton of things that are still very difficult for me in regards to this but I’m in a much better place this Christmas.
I very much resent the fact that my family is split apart and the kids have to be shuffled back and forth.
That being said, I think the impact on them will be minimal because it’s only a 24 hour visit and they’re really excited to open presents and hangout.
It may seem counterintuitive to my resentful statement above but I’m still very happy for the boys because they get to see their Mom and Grandparents.
If you are new to my story, regardless of my wife’s actions, I believe that it’s important for the boys to have as healthy a relationship with her as possible.
I also feel very strongly that simply because the boys Mom no longer see me as family, doesn’t mean that I see things the same way. The boys Grandparents are an important part of their lives and that’s something very important for me to both support and foster.
Last Christmas I was completely heartbroken and desperately praying that things would get better and we would all be a family once again.
It was rough for me and the kids.
This year is different because I’m absolutely certain that things have worked out in a way that is without question, better for myself and the boys.
We’re better off on our own and I see that now.
At the same time, 15 years is a long time to just forget. I’m trying to file those memories away and make room for new ones.
These new memories will belong to myself and the boys. They’re untainted and pain-free, as it should be.
I think this Christmas is going to be so much happier than last year and that’s progress. No one said that moving forward was an easy process but it’s a rewarding one. The boys and I deserve to move forward and be happy.
I’ve thought a great deal about the adage time heals all wounds.
Is it true? I don’t know.
The truth is, the pain is always there but as time goes on, it just doesn’t seem to impact our lives as much as it used to.
I’m not sure if that’s healing or simply adapting to our situation. Either way, life is moving forward and I fully intend to make the best of this holiday season.
I’ve been clearing some room and I’m looking forward to welcoming new memories.
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I’m glad you & the boys are doing better this Christmas. For me personally I’m having a harder time. This Christmas sucks this year & I guess it’s because I’m alone. I personally don’t think time heals all wounds. I think you n the boys are both healing & adapting. Some day maybe I will to.
Sorry, should have out what I wrote in the other comment here, wishing you well Darcy.
Time is an incredible salve to wounds, if you grow and open yourself up and give up bitterness. It’s truly amazing and though things may feel break look how freaking far you’ve come ! You’ve taken the high road at every turn despite being provoked in several ways and you’re pretty much kicking ass.
In 2001 I lost my first husband to an aneurysm at 33, two months later my beloved grandmother passed, then our dog, and 2 cats (all elderly). Then 9-11 hit, my business (promoting a huge rock festival in NYC) very affected (if Steven Van Zandt aka “little Steven” ) didn’t cone into help with other artists it would have been a disaster. Point being, 2001 was AWFUL. But I bounced back.
I acknowledge that a real death is almost easier than having to witness the person you once loved change into someone unrecognizable, especially with children involved. But there is great power in positive thinking, attacking every day with the best you can, and I cannot stress this enough, leave any why me’s and bitterness behind, you’ll be amazed at where you will be 4-5 years from now.
***PS. And FWIW, @Darcy, you seem very, very angry and bitter in many comments about your life and I’m sorry for the hardships you’ve gone through. I know it is Rob’s blog, but if he’ll permit me, try and stop thinking and tallying grievances and just head out each day open to new experiences and people. When you let negativity go (you will never change the source of your pain, you can only change yourself) great things can happen. I’m an eternal optimist for all! Christmas doesn’t have to suck because you’re alone…start your own traditions or help out at a shelter/soup kitchen. When you think you have it bad, there’s always someone worse off. Happy Holidays to all.
Alyssa, yes, unfortunately I am a very angry & bitter person. I’m working on & hoping that 2016 can make me be a better person. I’ve just continue to be taken thru the wringer & I am hoping to pull that plug myself, so I’m hoping better things will come.
I also know that there are millions of people who are worse off than me & although I try not to dwell on it, I am grateful for what I do have.
I do not take death lightly & I’m not trying to diminish death, but sometimes I think death would be easier. The problem I have is that I have to interact with my EX because of our children, so it seems I’m reliving the ‘death’ over & over again. If we had not had any children than it would have been a clean ‘break’. The man makes me soo mad & I’m really working hard on not becoming this way. He has never been civil & he never communicates & you have to, especially when medicated kids are involved.
I’m sorry. That’s a lot to be dealing with.. Letting go of anger isn’t easy to do but I promise that it can make all the difference in the world.
When you let go of anger, you don’t do it for the other person, you do it for yourself. Anger is like drinking poison and expecting it to hurt the other person..
Best of luck.
Time is an incredible salve to wounds, if you grow and open yourself up and give up bitterness. It’s truly amazing and though things may feel break look how freaking far you’ve come ! You’ve taken the high road at every turn despite being provoked in several ways and you’re pretty much kicking ass.
In 2001 I lost my first husband to an aneurysm at 33, two months later my beloved grandmother passed, then our dog, and 2 cats (all elderly). Then 9-11 hit, my business (promoting a huge rock festival in NYC) very affected (if Steven Van Zandt aka “little Steven” ) didn’t cone into help with other artists it would have been a disaster. Point being, 2001 was AWFUL. But I bounced back.
I acknowledge that a real death is almost easier than having to witness the person you once loved change into someone unrecognizable, especially with children involved. But there is great power in positive thinking, attacking every day with the best you can, and I cannot stress this enough, leave any why me’s and bitterness behind, you’ll be amazed at where you will be 4-5 years from now.
***PS. And FWIW, @Darcy, you seem very, very angry and bitter in many comments about your life and I’m sorry for the hardships you’ve gone through. I know it is Rob’s blog, but if he’ll permit me, try and stop thinking and tallying grievances and just head out each day open to new experiences and people. When you let negativity go (you will never change the source of your pain, you can only change yourself) great things can happen. I’m an eternal optimist for all! Christmas doesn’t have to suck because you’re alone…start your own traditions or help out at a shelter/soup kitchen. When you think you have it bad, there’s always someone worse off. Happy Holidays to all.
Alyssa, yes, unfortunately I am a very angry & bitter person. I’m working on & hoping that 2016 can make me be a better person. I’ve just continue to be taken thru the wringer & I am hoping to pull that plug myself, so I’m hoping better things will come.
I also know that there are millions of people who are worse off than me & although I try not to dwell on it, I am grateful for what I do have.
I do not take death lightly & I’m not trying to diminish death, but sometimes I think death would be easier. The problem I have is that I have to interact with my EX because of our children, so it seems I’m reliving the ‘death’ over & over again. If we had not had any children than it would have been a clean ‘break’. The man makes me soo mad & I’m really working hard on not becoming this way. He has never been civil & he never communicates & you have to, especially when medicated kids are involved.
I’m sorry. That’s a lot to be dealing with.. Letting go of anger isn’t easy to do but I promise that it can make all the difference in the world.
When you let go of anger, you don’t do it for the other person, you do it for yourself. Anger is like drinking poison and expecting it to hurt the other person..
Best of luck.
I’m glad you & the boys are doing better this Christmas. For me personally I’m having a harder time. This Christmas sucks this year & I guess it’s because I’m alone. I personally don’t think time heals all wounds. I think you n the boys are both healing & adapting. Some day maybe I will to.
Sorry, should have out what I wrote in the other comment here, wishing you well Darcy.
Time is an incredible salve to wounds, if you grow and open yourself up and give up bitterness. It’s truly amazing and though things may feel break look how freaking far you’ve come ! You’ve taken the high road at every turn despite being provoked in several ways and you’re pretty much kicking ass.
In 2001 I lost my first husband to an aneurysm at 33, two months later my beloved grandmother passed, then our dog, and 2 cats (all elderly). Then 9-11 hit, my business (promoting a huge rock festival in NYC) very affected (if Steven Van Zandt aka “little Steven” ) didn’t cone into help with other artists it would have been a disaster. Point being, 2001 was AWFUL. But I bounced back.
I acknowledge that a real death is almost easier than having to witness the person you once loved change into someone unrecognizable, especially with children involved. But there is great power in positive thinking, attacking every day with the best you can, and I cannot stress this enough, leave any why me’s and bitterness behind, you’ll be amazed at where you will be 4-5 years from now.
***PS. And FWIW, @Darcy, you seem very, very angry and bitter in many comments about your life and I’m sorry for the hardships you’ve gone through. I know it is Rob’s blog, but if he’ll permit me, try and stop thinking and tallying grievances and just head out each day open to new experiences and people. When you let negativity go (you will never change the source of your pain, you can only change yourself) great things can happen. I’m an eternal optimist for all! Christmas doesn’t have to suck because you’re alone…start your own traditions or help out at a shelter/soup kitchen. When you think you have it bad, there’s always someone worse off. Happy Holidays to all.
Alyssa, yes, unfortunately I am a very angry & bitter person. I’m working on & hoping that 2016 can make me be a better person. I’ve just continue to be taken thru the wringer & I am hoping to pull that plug myself, so I’m hoping better things will come.
I also know that there are millions of people who are worse off than me & although I try not to dwell on it, I am grateful for what I do have.
I do not take death lightly & I’m not trying to diminish death, but sometimes I think death would be easier. The problem I have is that I have to interact with my EX because of our children, so it seems I’m reliving the ‘death’ over & over again. If we had not had any children than it would have been a clean ‘break’. The man makes me soo mad & I’m really working hard on not becoming this way. He has never been civil & he never communicates & you have to, especially when medicated kids are involved.
I’m sorry. That’s a lot to be dealing with.. Letting go of anger isn’t easy to do but I promise that it can make all the difference in the world.
When you let go of anger, you don’t do it for the other person, you do it for yourself. Anger is like drinking poison and expecting it to hurt the other person..
Best of luck.
I’m glad you & the boys are doing better this Christmas. For me personally I’m having a harder time. This Christmas sucks this year & I guess it’s because I’m alone. I personally don’t think time heals all wounds. I think you n the boys are both healing & adapting. Some day maybe I will to.
Sorry, should have out what I wrote in the other comment here, wishing you well Darcy.