@KimGebhart, @Rob Gorski, @Dot dash @JimmyRock and others in this thread:,
Just (a late).02 as just now reading this. Writing online is always subject to emotional interpretation because first and foremost…..we aren’t looking at each other. I find myself agreeing many, many times with Kim,….she just has a very incisive, analytical, logical mind and calls it as she sees it. But I see nor interpret anything but good intentions from her. In fact , pointing out maybe unnoticed facets of a situation/post can be much more valuable than blind adherence. I thought Jimmy’s comments very astute as well.
As a writer, it helps to have all sorts of variable feedback, it helps with clarity and intent as you evolve as a writer. I analyze literature and it’s amazing the diametrically opposed opinions one can get from several people who read the exact same thing.
I think why small things in your posts may be focused on when your intent was an “awareness post”, is because you have long time readers with good memories and also, it just comes with the territory of doing anything (writing, acting, being a politician or any public persona) that is subject to vast scrutiny. (You handle it maturely and well).
I think it’s vastly as important to have people point out uncomfortable things as much as it is to have pure cheerleaders. You’ve got both as your dedicated readers. That’s invaluable for perspective. You lead a very, very difficult life, but as some long time readers (I binge read both yours and Lizze’s blogs after finding out about you after reading the CNN article ) have pointed out (for instance the dire situation of Gavin bring a pre-diagnosed sociopath) , there are discrepancies or changes (yay for the better!) that we as readers are just reconciling with previous posts.
As an opinion, again, just mine, it comes off sometimes as if the tail wags the dog, a lot. But I admit I have a neurotypical child who is “easy” and I only know what I read here. I think Kim accurately spots many times Emmett uses what ANY kid, even those not on the spectrum, works. Maybe my comment didn’t make it the other day , but I am truly asking this: if kids on the spectrum thrive on routine, then why not a more strict policy of really sticking to routine with no outs for faux tummy aches and such ( e g the tug of war with school)? I’m not criticizing, just wondering. Every child on or off the spectrum knows how to pull strings, and manipulate, no one is saying your child is bad, just maybe being a real kid that has the added burden of the sensory issues. I was 2nd grade room mom
and literary helper and the amount of “tummy aches” when essay or test timescale was astounding. It’s nerves and the only way to conquer them is by routinely sticking to the plan.
I read an incredible article of a grandmother who helped raise a grandchild on the spectrum and she wished they hadn’t used the “please be patient, he has autism” card as much as they did….e en though he does. The opposite turned out to be more effective (she’s a highly respected educated btw). I’ll try to dig that out and email to you.
Sorry to veer off original intent, which was to back Kim because there is no malice as I see it, just a succinct way to a different view across.

Some of the most interesting dialogue on this blog comes out of Kim’s comments. Maybe sometimes they might be stated a little harshly but if I were you, Rob, I’d look past that and really think about some of what she’s trying to get across. So much of your blog seems to be dedicated to convincing yourself of a position or defending that position even though no one is questioning it. Your child has sensory issues? OK. That’s challenging. No one here is saying that those issues aren’t real. My kid has similar problems with socks and shoes and it really makes getting out of the house in the mornings a challenge. But I’m constantly gauging whether my kid is exploiting those difficulties for attention or whether it’s really particularly bothering her on any given day. Sometimes it’s impossible to tell and you have to tread carefully. But whatever it is you still need to get out of the house. So it’s a matter of finding the right strategies that work. And they can be different every day.
It seems to me that you really need to find a support group for parents with kids with sensory processing issues, autism, etc. The facts that: (1) you seem to feel like you have to justify and defend the existence of a sensory issue and (2) this chance conversation with a mom who also has a kid with sensory issues seemed like such a novelty to you — suggests that you really need to get out there and find people (real ones, not us internet ones) who have kids with at least some issues in common with yours. If your friends and family don’t get it, that sucks. But if that’s the case it’s even more important to try to build a support group around you of people who do get it.
I don’t think people who are commenting here are trying to “trip you up”. But I bet those comments, especially the constructive criticisms, might be easier to take if they were coming from “real” people with whom you could have a real dialogue.
Hope this is taken in the spirit it’s intended. I’m pulling for you, Rob. I think a lot of people are.

@Jimmy Rock KimGebhardt 

I’ve been doing this a very long time. I have developed thicker skin as a result of how many different people read this blog. Someone always has something to say. Typically I don’t care but the point I was trying to make in my comment to Kim was that she has a long standing habit of taking what is meant to be more of an awareness post and injecting her outside opinion. Again, I respect everyone’s right to an opinion but sometimes it does get frustrating that people miss the whole point and instead try to sorta pick apart what I’m trying to say.

Kim, I don’t have a personal issue with you, I just wish you would not always feel the need to approach things the way you do sometimes. 

One of the reasons that my writing is still relevant after all these years, is that I’m writing what I’m thinking and feeling. I don’t candy coat things and I say what I’m thinking. Part of why I do this is because it helps me process the things going on my life. The post in question was not me trying to convince myself of anything. My goal was to take something I’m dealing with and make something positive come out of it. I’m trying to educate the people that don’t get it or are never exposed to these types of challenges.. 

Jimmy, the chance conversation you are referring to wasn’t a novelty to me. It was nice to simply speak with someone who understood. What I didn’t share is that I was able to help her as well. 

You have to understand that not everyone realizes that there are more people out there dealing with the same kind of struggles. Yes, it was nice to meet someone in real life who gets it but I’m connected to so many people already and I’m very much aware that I’m not alone. A simple, understanding conversation and like I had with the nice lady I met at therapy, helped her to realize that shes not alone. She was just beginning this journey and now she knows at least one of other person that understands. 

Support groups are great but I’m the one people come to all the time for support and I’ve found purpose in helping in any way that I can. I’m glad that yo have found ways to help your daughter but everyone’s situation is different and sometimes, there’s way more going on than just the sensory issues. I’m not stupid, I know when my kids are playing me and when they aren’t. I can see it in their eyes. I also recognise that with my kids, it’s not as simple as I still need to get out the door. I know that how I handle the situation will directly impact them for the rest of the day. 

I really think that much of the point in what I’m doing is being missed and that’s fine. I’m simply doing my thing and whether it helps you or not, I’m making a difference in the lives of countless people, all across the globe by simply sharing my day and helping them to recognise that they are alone in what they might be feeling. We all learn from each other and I know that I clearly can’t reach everyone and that some people will miss the whole point of what I’m doing, I can live with that but I do get frustrated with the approach people take when addressing a concern via comment. 

Kim, I’ve thanked you many times when you bring something to the discussion that is within the nature the post was intended. I appreciate those comments where you make me think or you bring up something I hadn’t thought of. Sometimes maybe you come across in a way other than you’ve intended and sometimes perhaps I’m overly sensitive. Either way, I do appreciate your concern. 🙂

KimGebhardt Rob Gorski Thanks Kim. Truthfully, I don’t try to make up for Lizze’s actions because there’s no possible way I can do that. I am more aware of the fact that some behaviors are symptoms of a larger problem. Emmett is almost never difficult for the sake of being difficult. Elliott on the other hand can sometimes do just that and I can tell the difference and that’s why I don’t cave. At the same time, even though Elliotts being difficult, it’s usually related to him trying to regain some control over his life and it’s not exactly graceful but at the same time, it’s not malicious either. 

When it comes to my kids, I’m often having to walk a fine line because they have so much going on and it’s all intertwined. Pulling one thread out can impact them on multiple fronts and it’s an exhausting process to remain patient and understanding, especially absent a partner to help share the load. 

Thanks for the well wishes. I wish you the best as well. 🙂

I believe that Kim is trying to be helpful and that sometimes it might be more of a “tough love” approach. I think maybe one of the reasons she brings up the manipulating is because if you review your posts from a while back (when Lizzie lived in the house), Gavin was accused of many manipulative behaviors and I think the word, “sociopath” was thrown around concerning him (in fact I believe you had a post where you stated one of his doctors reported they would give him this diagnosis when he turned 18 or something similar). It appears (after a trigger was removed from the household) that this may not have been the case and Gavin’s behaviors no longer seem to be so, “manipulative”.
Part of living your life online, open to comment is that people will comment and provide advice (not just support, agree and sympathize). Rob, you also have to remember (and I know this is hard), that you are in the middle of a situation, living it. Allot of your readers have been following for a while and see things from a very different perspective (example you will often use absolute terms like “so and so NEVER does this, but today they did” or “it has been forever since we have seen this behavior” that if you review your blog, makes you look like a bit of a poor historian, and I think this may just be more due to motivated cognition and confirmation bias). I don’t think you ever do this intentionally, and I believe that for you it truly feels this way. The problem is because the reader is not living in the situation they are able to be a little more objective (hence why the advice can sometimes sound harsh).
Just some thoughts.

@dotdash… You are an extraordinarily wise and kind person. Just something I’ve noticed over time… Thank god for people like you.

KimGebhardt The older I get, the less sure I am that I know better than anyone else what they should do.  You still have some of that shiny self-righteousness in you, so I’m guessing you are in your 30s, maybe early 40s?  You seem smart, really, but maybe not everybody can run their world the way you run yours at the moment…

sometimes is easier to cope autism than spd ,

KimGebhardt you tend to pick things out and focus on things you can use to question me or try and trip me up somehow. Emmett doesn’t take advantage of me. None of my kids take advantage of me. Lizze walking out is all on her. I have made every attempt to help her understand the damage she did but at the end of the day, shes responsible for her actions and I have stopped covering for her. 

Kim, I’m never really sure how to take you because you come across in pretty gruff and accusatory way. There are also time where you make some really good points.

Rob Gorski KimGebhardt I have no interest in tripping you up.  I believe what you post but that doesn’t mean I don’t question it.  What I meant by ‘parent guilt’  was that you may be trying to make up for Lizze’s failings, which would be a perfectly normal thing to do.  While I absolutely believe that your life is more difficult than average, I also believe that some of your issues are self-created.  Believe it or not, I wish the best for your children and hope that they lead happy lives.

Sorry if my post was perceived as some sort of attack. Not the intent at all. And I’m not positioning my myself as the expert on sensory issues- I was commiserating with you more than anything else. And my previous post suggested that I have an understanding that there’s sometimes a lot more than just sensory issues going on, which makes it all the more challenging.
It just seems like you write a lot of what you refer to as an “awareness post” but sometimes they seem to be a defense to an action you take or don’t take, or a response to some unnamed person or people in your life who are judging you, your decisions, and how you’re raising your kids. And I recognize that you are doing what you can in your own way to help others and raise awareness but my point is that sometimes you seem pretty lost (That was part of the name of the old blog 🙂 and it doesn’t seem like you have the greatest support system around you. Of course all I know is what you tell your readers but that’s what it seems like to me. Is it tough going to a support group and possibly end up being the one there who has the most challenges in front of them? Or the one who ends up providing more help than receiving it? Yeah it can be. But you never know- maybe you find some one else who gets it. Maybe they have a kid(s) who can be friends with your kid(s). Maybe you find true love there. Who the hell knows?
It’s funny- it seems like I’m this big support group guy, but I can’t with all honesty say they’ve been tremendously helpful to me personally. But from the little glimpse into your life that you’ve offered, it seems like, with some luck, they could be beneficial to you.
Look I’m not trying to give you a hard time- I’m just some guy who has read your blog. I appreciate the challenges you face every day. I think you’re doing the best you can in a very challenging situation. I wish you the best. I’m just going to recede into the background now.

KimGebhardt Rob Gorski Thanks Kim. Truthfully, I don’t try to make up for Lizze’s actions because there’s no possible way I can do that. I am more aware of the fact that some behaviors are symptoms of a larger problem. Emmett is almost never difficult for the sake of being difficult. Elliott on the other hand can sometimes do just that and I can tell the difference and that’s why I don’t cave. At the same time, even though Elliotts being difficult, it’s usually related to him trying to regain some control over his life and it’s not exactly graceful but at the same time, it’s not malicious either. 

When it comes to my kids, I’m often having to walk a fine line because they have so much going on and it’s all intertwined. Pulling one thread out can impact them on multiple fronts and it’s an exhausting process to remain patient and understanding, especially absent a partner to help share the load. 

Thanks for the well wishes. I wish you the best as well. 🙂

@Jimmy Rock KimGebhardt 

I’ve been doing this a very long time. I have developed thicker skin as a result of how many different people read this blog. Someone always has something to say. Typically I don’t care but the point I was trying to make in my comment to Kim was that she has a long standing habit of taking what is meant to be more of an awareness post and injecting her outside opinion. Again, I respect everyone’s right to an opinion but sometimes it does get frustrating that people miss the whole point and instead try to sorta pick apart what I’m trying to say.

Kim, I don’t have a personal issue with you, I just wish you would not always feel the need to approach things the way you do sometimes. 

One of the reasons that my writing is still relevant after all these years, is that I’m writing what I’m thinking and feeling. I don’t candy coat things and I say what I’m thinking. Part of why I do this is because it helps me process the things going on my life. The post in question was not me trying to convince myself of anything. My goal was to take something I’m dealing with and make something positive come out of it. I’m trying to educate the people that don’t get it or are never exposed to these types of challenges.. 

Jimmy, the chance conversation you are referring to wasn’t a novelty to me. It was nice to simply speak with someone who understood. What I didn’t share is that I was able to help her as well. 

You have to understand that not everyone realizes that there are more people out there dealing with the same kind of struggles. Yes, it was nice to meet someone in real life who gets it but I’m connected to so many people already and I’m very much aware that I’m not alone. A simple, understanding conversation and like I had with the nice lady I met at therapy, helped her to realize that shes not alone. She was just beginning this journey and now she knows at least one of other person that understands. 

Support groups are great but I’m the one people come to all the time for support and I’ve found purpose in helping in any way that I can. I’m glad that yo have found ways to help your daughter but everyone’s situation is different and sometimes, there’s way more going on than just the sensory issues. I’m not stupid, I know when my kids are playing me and when they aren’t. I can see it in their eyes. I also recognise that with my kids, it’s not as simple as I still need to get out the door. I know that how I handle the situation will directly impact them for the rest of the day. 

I really think that much of the point in what I’m doing is being missed and that’s fine. I’m simply doing my thing and whether it helps you or not, I’m making a difference in the lives of countless people, all across the globe by simply sharing my day and helping them to recognise that they are alone in what they might be feeling. We all learn from each other and I know that I clearly can’t reach everyone and that some people will miss the whole point of what I’m doing, I can live with that but I do get frustrated with the approach people take when addressing a concern via comment. 

Kim, I’ve thanked you many times when you bring something to the discussion that is within the nature the post was intended. I appreciate those comments where you make me think or you bring up something I hadn’t thought of. Sometimes maybe you come across in a way other than you’ve intended and sometimes perhaps I’m overly sensitive. Either way, I do appreciate your concern. 🙂

I guess that’s why Emmett (right?) gets up so early in the morning cuz it takes that long to get dressed! 🙂 My son after hours of fighting would eventually get in the car, but than by the time we got to school his shoes & socks & sometimes other clothing would be off!! I wish kids could go barefoot to school! 😉

KimGebhardt dotdash Look, I’m not trying to be antagonistic.  I do believe in pulling ones punches when judging others, however, because we can never know what another person’s life is like.  

(I you think you are just asking a legitimate question, please re-read your posts.  Saying “it seems like X is taking advantage of you” is not asking a legitimate question, but rather passing judgment.)  Again, not trying to be antagonistic because you seem as if you care.  Just a heads-up.

Re the mortgage?  We are all responsible for helping each other in this world.  Sometimes it’s advice that is needed, sometimes it’s support, sometimes it’s money.  It might even be criticism sometimes, although God knows that’s not one I’ve ever felt I needed from someone else.

Rob Gorski KimGebhardt I have no interest in tripping you up.  I believe what you post but that doesn’t mean I don’t question it.  What I meant by ‘parent guilt’  was that you may be trying to make up for Lizze’s failings, which would be a perfectly normal thing to do.  While I absolutely believe that your life is more difficult than average, I also believe that some of your issues are self-created.  Believe it or not, I wish the best for your children and hope that they lead happy lives.

I believe that Kim is trying to be helpful and that sometimes it might be more of a “tough love” approach. I think maybe one of the reasons she brings up the manipulating is because if you review your posts from a while back (when Lizzie lived in the house), Gavin was accused of many manipulative behaviors and I think the word, “sociopath” was thrown around concerning him (in fact I believe you had a post where you stated one of his doctors reported they would give him this diagnosis when he turned 18 or something similar). It appears (after a trigger was removed from the household) that this may not have been the case and Gavin’s behaviors no longer seem to be so, “manipulative”.
Part of living your life online, open to comment is that people will comment and provide advice (not just support, agree and sympathize). Rob, you also have to remember (and I know this is hard), that you are in the middle of a situation, living it. Allot of your readers have been following for a while and see things from a very different perspective (example you will often use absolute terms like “so and so NEVER does this, but today they did” or “it has been forever since we have seen this behavior” that if you review your blog, makes you look like a bit of a poor historian, and I think this may just be more due to motivated cognition and confirmation bias). I don’t think you ever do this intentionally, and I believe that for you it truly feels this way. The problem is because the reader is not living in the situation they are able to be a little more objective (hence why the advice can sometimes sound harsh).
Just some thoughts.

KimGebhardt you tend to pick things out and focus on things you can use to question me or try and trip me up somehow. Emmett doesn’t take advantage of me. None of my kids take advantage of me. Lizze walking out is all on her. I have made every attempt to help her understand the damage she did but at the end of the day, shes responsible for her actions and I have stopped covering for her. 

Kim, I’m never really sure how to take you because you come across in pretty gruff and accusatory way. There are also time where you make some really good points.

It would be easier if they were just being difficult