I think I fell asleep pretty quick last night. I went to bed in a good mood and drama free, so I don’t know what brought this on.
As hard as I’ve been trying to remember all the details of what happened, I can’t.
What I do remember is more like the plot, as well as the emotions I felt.
Basically, it resolved around Gavin and myself. We somehow ended up on foot in some really bad part of God only knows where, because I can’t remember.
I wanna say that it was just a strange or unfamiliar part of town. My town to be more precise because I had a feeling of familiarity but also being lost and absolutely terrified.
Gavin kept running away and I couldn’t find him for a really long time.
No one was helping me find him because it was like they couldn’t see me. Periodically, I would find Gavin now he was a homeless person, living in a box, alongside a dark alley.
He wouldn’t listen and wouldn’t come with me, so I could try to bring him home.
Weirdly enough, I had my phone and tablet on me but I couldn’t call someone for help because every time I tried to dial the number, my fingers wouldn’t work.
This went on and on for what seemed like days, with little or no progress.
I remember people attempting to shot at him but he still would come with me.
That’s all I remember. I guess I remembered more than I originally thought. Having said that, I have no idea how it ended or if it ended because the next thing I remember was Emmett running I to our room and me waking up in cold sweat.
Assigning meaning to this dream or rather, nightmare, hasn’t really happened because it was really confusing.
That said, I feel like it’s maybe my way of processing how we’ve sorta lost Gavin once again to mental illness.
I keep desperately trying to reach him and pull him through but it’s never a fruitful effort and he never really comes home. I also felt like this was almost a premonition of what his future holds for him and that scares the shit out of me.
Regardless, it’s set the tone for me day and I’m not in a good place right now..
I would love any and all input you may have on this dream and what you think it may mean…. I really appreciate it.
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i cant interpet dreams but i have what i call “anxiety nightmares” which sounds like what this is. An example of one of my anxiety dreams is to be at a gas pump pumping gas till my tank is full and then realizing i had no money or card to pay with. it goes on and on with me trying to figure out what to do. what is strange is that you cant pump gas without paying first or having to insert a card saying you are good to go. my clonipin helps most of the time. except the other night i had a dream where my mom comes back (she has passed away a long time ago) and me and my sister are mad at her in the dream because she undoubtly just up and left us and lived somewhere for 3 years and in the dream i was bitching cause when she left she only paid half the rent. she also was under the care of a phycologist and we couldnt get him to talk to us about her and she was fixing leave back to where ever she came from with her boyfriend. weird. i was having anxiety in the dream. i could tell while i was dreaming it was not real. weird as she died 30 years ago. she had passed away on may 12 that happened to fall on mothers day that year. i saw my sister on monday as well. maybe that was it. i dont know. i would rather not dream at all lol
I have dreams like this all the time (only usually it is an empty house not a town for me). I think it is my brain’s way of managing my feelings of not knowing what to do or what to expect next. Dreaming of being in a strange place could represent how Gavin’s needs can feel like they are ever changing and you don’t know what is around the next corner – there is no map or plan to guide you. Gavin not listening, running away and ending up in a negative circumstance could be that sometimes it feels like our kids are working against us, too (even though they really are not). Being unable to use your phone and tablet to me means that the tools you are used to being able to use – your experience, your insights, your intellect – are not working for you right now. People shooting could represent the feeling that a lot of people are expecting a lot from you.
I am not a therapist, so for what it is worth! (((Hugs!))) I suggest sitting down and thinking about how far you’ve come and how well you’ve done, measure the milestones no matter how small. Remember who is available to help you, and what new tools you could develop to assist you.
Know that you are not alone.
Thank you. I appreciate it….