I’m trying to come to terms with the fact that this will be our first Easter without Gavin. Because of the chaos that ensues when he’s home, it’s just not something that can happen.

It’s really sad and it breaks my heart to know that my family won’t be together on Sunday.

On the other hand, Lizze and the boys will be much better off and Gavin would rather be at his Grandparents anyway.

I was talking to my friend Carl Young from Why Not Father’s tonight because his son is very similar to Gavin. In fact, his son Marc is in residential treatment, which is something that we have been trying to find for Gavin. 

Carl is one of the only people I know that understands what it’s like to have a child with reactive attachment disorder and the heartache and pain it can cause the family.  Carl is one of my personal heros and someone that I look up to.  It doesn’t really make anything with Gavin easier or make the pain go away, but at least someone out there understands.

I know that Gavin will be happy on Easter and most likely not even think about us. 

In a weird way, that does provide some comfort.  I think it would be much harder if he wanted to come home and we couldn’t let him.  In all honesty, I don’t know how I would survive that.

The fact that he’s not attached to us, while painful beyond words, does make it easier.

Perhaps this is a blessing in disguise?

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