People want to hear that we’re going to remain best friends and move on as if nothing had happened but I don’t think that’s how it works for me, at least for now. I don’t know how to be friends with someone who broke my heart in this way. I’m in uncharted territory right now and I’m working everyday to find a path forward. That’s just the truth of where I am right now.
What I do know is that Lizze will always command my respect as the mother of my children. Nothing will change that. We will remain a team and help our kids navigate life. Parenting doesn’t end when a marriage does. We don’t live together and our relationship has unexpectedly and dramatically changed but she will always be my parenting partner in crime.
I won’t pretend to think that it’s always going to be easy but we’ve found something that works and that’s what matters.
Too many times parents wage war on each other, both during and after divorce. It’s such a sad thing because the kids are the ones who pay the price.
You don’t have to agree with or even like your parenting partner but everyone wins when we can stow our shit, work together and forge a new path forward.
I’m not telling you that you shouldn’t be angry or feel whatever you feel. I don’t know your situation. In my case, I didn’t want this and I was caught off guard. I have every right to be angry but what good does that do? Will being angry make this easier on the kids? Will it make it easier on me? Of course not.
It’s not like I didn’t go through all these emotions. I imagine many of you have as well and that’s okay. We’re all human and we all feel things.
I made the conscious decision to embrace my feelings, experience them and let them go. I’m not saying it’s easy to do but I’ll tell you what, I feel so much better having done so. I didn’t do that for her, I did it for me. Hanging onto anger is toxic and would only serve to make me miserable. A miserable me, isn’t what my kids need or deserve. They need me to lead them through this and show them that everything is going to be okay, because it will be.
Working together after you’ve been hurt isn’t easy but the alternative simply isn’t an option for me.
The kids deserve both of us at our best and how can that happen if we don’t get along. I said it already but I’ll say it again. Getting divorced does not absolve you of your responsibilities as a parent.
It doesn’t have to be the end of the world either. Things change. People change. That’s life and the example we show our kids in situations like this is incredibly important. My kids need to know that mom and dad are still a team and that we’re always there for them. They need to know that even though things are different, we’re still family. With time, we find our path forward. The kids adapt and we all move on.
I did a whole podcast episode on this with an expert from the APA. I’ll embed it below in case you’re interested in taking a listen. ☺
