Life is getting a bit more challenging. For those who don't know, COVID is significantly worsening in Ohio. As of writing, we're a stone's throw away from 3,000 cases a day. There's a nursing home about a mile or so from my house with over 80 confirmed cases. It's really getting scary.
My cars still in the shop and will be for a couple of weeks. That's a bit stressful because we truly are trapped at home. It's not like we would be going anywhere, especially since COVID is so bad locally, but looking out the window and seeing the car missing is an emotional blow. Maybe that doesn't make sense..
I've been insanely busy with work related things lately. I'm trying to get season 3 of the podcast finished before the holidays. My goal is to take a break between seasons, which means shutting down mid-November through January 2021. I think I have a few more recordings scheduled and then it's all post work.
I don't mind the editing process. In fact, it can be relaxing for me but it's time consuming and I have to listen to each episode at least twice before the final mix. I can only take so much of my own voice before it becomes like nails on a chalk board for me.
It's possible that season 3 will hit 40 episodes. That's my goal. Considering all I have going on, and the fact that I'm doing all of this on my own, it's pretty impressive. There's a lot of work that goes into each episode.
The boys are doing okay. I won't say they're doing great because they aren't. We're surviving at the moment and that's really all the matters when you're in the middle of a deadly pandemic. The kids are on edge and Lizze and I are still discussing the risks of doing any further visits until things improve in our immediate area. That's a shitty conversation to have because I hate that they don't get to see each other very often but there are serious risks. There are at risk people in both households and we have to keep them safe.
I'm overwhelmed, exhausted and demoralized because there's simply too much happening anymore. It feels like it's impossible to keep up with everything.
Right now I'm laser focused on building a workable routine. It's not going well but I do see signs of progress and that helps to keep me moving forward. Routine is so important but it's also so challenging to create and put into place.
Despite my exhaustion, I'm forcing myself to focus on selfcare. While I really, really, really need a treadmill, I don't have one. As a result, I've taken to running or walking in place. It's not fun and boring as fuck but it gets my heart rate up. I'm shooting for at least 30 minutes a day right now and building from there.
I had some ideas about getting the kids involved as well. They simply don't have the attention span to walk in place. I need to be creative and I have an idea that might work.
While we can't travel right now for a million reasons, I thought we could do so without leaving the house.
I know that sounds weird but hear me out. I was thinking of picking a location, printing out information about said location and placing this information throughout the house. I could then get the kids to *hike *around the house and learn about the location we selected. I've got some ideas on how to do this and I'll share more at a later date.
Like I said, I'm trying to be creative here, not perfect.
The whole point is to help them keep their bodies and minds working. It's pretty obvious this is a work in progress but it's something.
The future is unknown at this point. I highly anticipate a very difficult and scary winter. I've no idea what we're going to be doing for the upcoming holidays because we can't go anywhere, even if we had the car back. It's going to be emotionally challenging for a number of reasons. It's going to be physically and financially challenging as well. Millions of families are struggling as a result of COVID and job loss.
I'm grateful for all that I have and never forget that many are worse off. It's important to maintain perspective at times like these. Especially, at times like these.
Anyway, this whole thing is wearing thin and I think that's a large part of our struggle. My saving grace right now is being able to talk with so many parents on the podcast. There's a kinship of sorts between special needs parents and in difficult times, it really helps to stay connected.
On the depression front, I'm struggling a bit. Therapy is helping, as is my concerted effort to focus on my own selfcare. The utter loneliness is what really gets to me. I'm totally a independent person but I cherish human contact prefer the company of others. I've been without that for most of 2020 and it's taking it's toll.
Working out is helping and as dumb as it may sound, it feels so good to have run in place for 30 minutes. I wish I had a treadmill but I'm making do with what I have. The downside is I feel ridiculous while doing it but the upside is I save a ton of space. It's not perfect by any stretch of the imagination but it is what it is and I'm really trying to make the best of what I have.
I feel like I'm setting a better example for the kids and I'm going to find a way to get them move active without making it hugely obvious to them what I'm doing it.
At the end of the day, we're all safe and healthy. I think that matters a great deal in dark times like this. While I feel I'm totally dropping the ball in various parts of my life, I so proud of how far we've come.
With the winter months upon us, I hope to make our home a more comfortable place. Anything I can do to help us be more comfortable during our stay is going to make a bit easier on everyone.
I'm absolutely overwhelmed, stressed out beyond explanation, exhausted, frustrated, and even scared. However, I'm hopeful that we will get through this. It will take some time and it won't be easy but my kids are totally worth it.
