A few years ago, I had bought a few Google Homes (when they first came out) because I was going to give them away on the blog for the holidays. They were all inside a bright blue Best Buy bag, waiting to be photographed. When I went to get them a day later, they were gone. Turns out Gavin through them away when he was taking the trash out. He through away hundreds of dollars worth of stuff because it never occurred to him that he shouldn’t.

It’s become a family joke at this point and something I will always look back on and think, while smiling, that was totally a Gavin thing.

Still, it’s incredibly frustrating and while I totally appreciate how he’s trying to help out, it can be a problem.

Gavin’s never been gifted with common sense and lately, it’s gotten worse.

His psychiatrist told me that Schizophrenics are either going to compensate well during lockdown or they’re going to unravel. Gavin was doing so well for so long and now, it’s pretty clear he’s decompensating.

We’re on day 105 of COVID19 lockdown and it’s getting to all of us. Managing our lives while trying to survive the deadliest pandemic in over 100 years is not easy. I’ve shared those struggles several times recently. The boys are struggling in their own ways and it’s getting to be a lot for just one person to deal with. Gavin seems to be more obviously affected right now and I’m not sure how to help him.

I’m making arrangements for extra therapy for him. It’s remote therapy but it’s better than none at all.

Patience is in short supply right now but I’m trying hard to muster as much as I can because he deserves better parenting from me. For that matter, his brothers do as well. I’m overwhelmed and I need to make sure that I’m taking care of myself.

I have to find ways of rebuilding myself so that I can be the best version of me possible, because that’s the very least of what my kids deserve.

Anyway, I’ve never claimed to be a perfect parent. If anything, I’m a perfect example of imperfect parenting. I honestly do my best but my best isn’t always good enough and that’s okay.

At this point, I’m looking for a fresh start in the morning and see what the new day brings. I’ll likely struggle with patience again but I’m also going to be working on doing better.