I don’t foresee any safety concerns and I anticipate being bombarded by him wanting to update me on his missions. Yes, that will drive me crazy, but again, it’s manageable.

In order to keep him on the Clozapine, I would have to take him out of the house and to a hospital type setting to have his labs done. This puts him at risk physically. Should he become infected with COVID19, it could prove to be very bad. He’s in the very high risk category and I just cannot justify taking that chance for something that while challenging, isn’t life threatening.

Lizze and I are on the same page here and believe this is the best approach. Whether or not it ultimately proves to be in the end, is another story.

Worst case scenario, in regards to taking him off the meds, we will have to start him back on them. That will require weekly labs and loss of a year’s worth of progress but despite that loss of progress, I still feel this is best.

Under different circumstances, I would never advocate doing this but I’m on my own and I’m responsible for the safety and well being of my kids, Gavin included. I know what to expect should Gavin come off the meds because I’ve managed it many times before. Sure, it’s taxing to hear him go on and on about his missions but he’s not violent or aggressive or a risk to himself. If I don’t do this, and take him for labs in order to get refills, I’m introducing significant amounts of unknown into the equation.

It’s very possible that I will become overwhelmed but let’s be honest, I’m already there. I won’t have help and as long as this pandemic rages, I’m not going to have any. I will not endanger my parents or in laws. It is what it is and I have to do what I feel is best, regardless of the challenge.

Having said that, we’re taking a cautious approach to weaning him off of Clozapine. It will take roughly 2 weeks to accomplish this and if at any point, things get too crazy, we can rethink the approach. This doesn’t have to be a one way trip but I have to keep Gavin safe. I have to keep all of us safe.

Not everyone will understand this but that’s okay. Lizze and I agree this is best and we have the support of Gavin’s doctors. As parents, we do whatever we must for our kids and I’m doing just that.