By attack the root cause, I’m referring to helping him better deal with his feelings and find healthier ways of coping. He’s very angry, hurt, confused and afraid. I feel like we need to focus on helping him process these feelings, by providing him with whatever tools he needs. Even if all we can do is help him develop better ways of coping with all this, that would address the problem at its core and hopefully, the symptoms that are controlling his life would weaken as he gets stronger.
While we didn’t accomplish a great deal last night, in a way, it was still productive. This was yet another situation in which we’re able to work together, even after all that’s happened. That’s a very positive thing.
It’s very difficult for me because literally, no one else is having to do any of the leg work. I’m the one who has to do everything. Any suggestions made, or plans devised, are things that I will have to make happen.
I feel like I’m in this alone, because in most ways that actually matter, I am.
I’m just really overwhelmed, sleep deprived, stressed out and depressed. Life isn’t slowing down. I need to find the strength to keep getting back up after I fall, and that’s proving to be very challenging.
Again, I’m honestly not angry. In my mind, there’s a difference between being angry and being frustrated, overhwhelmed and exhausted. Anger can be healthy but it can also be toxic. Being angry only really hurts me and whatever impacts me, impacts my kids. I work very hard, both in and outside of therapy, not to hold on to anger.
I love my kids more than life itself and it hurts me tremendously to see them in pain. It’s even worse when, in many ways, I’m powerless to help them.
I want so badly for them to find peace, just be kids and move forward. All I can do is take things one day at a time right now, and be there for them in any way I possibly can.
Rob, while you state you’re frustrated etc, you say you’re not angry. Why not? Feeling angry, or furious, or pissed, or any variation of, would be normal. Healthy even, to FEEL that way. (I know when I’m exhausted and doing what feels impossible, I get pissed pretty quick if I don’t think people who could help, aren’t. Of course you aren’t me.) The actual feeling of anger isn’t any worse than any other emotion, and the best way to deal is to accept all of one’s feelings. Just a thought I had reading the post. (And of course, hoping and wishing for the best for all of you.)
Hey Becky. I should probably clarify my statement a bit. I was attempting to state that I’m not angry because I’m now a single parent. I’m not angry that my marriage is over. I say that because I feel like I’ve let that anger go because it wasn’t doing me any good. That said, I do get angry when it comes to my kids. I do get angry when things are said or done that cause my kids pain or makes the situation worse. To be blunt, I’m not angry that my wife let me. I’m hurt but not angry anymore. When things are said or done, regardless of intentions, that hurt my kids, I get angry.
I guess the whole point was that if I’m angry with her for what she did to me, that could influence, at least on some level, my ability to work with her going forward. I don’t want that to be the case. I also don’t want my kids to ever feel like they have to pick a side. If I’m angry about something that’s happening to them, it’s because I’m a parent and don’t like anyone causing my kids pain. I feel that if I held onto the anger I felt when everything went down, it would ultimately bleed over to the kids.
Does that make sense?
Also, it takes a lot to make me angry. I’m much quicker to anger when your messing with my kids or my family. If it’s only impacting me, I tend to let it roll off.
I appreciate the thoughtful comment Becky. ☺
Yes, it does make sense! I know I would experience rage and anger, but then would try to let it go also. Maybe I’m just easier to get pissed off. I know my moods are influenced by side effects of meds, and exhaustion and pain. Since all of these things happen to me 24/7/365, I do have occasional angry moments. I’m glad you can let the bad feelings that hinder you go. I know if someone wrongs me, I try to forgive. If someone wrongs family or friends, then I’m more likely to spring into action in their favor. So I get what you mean.