Elliott is shutting out the world and Emmett is struggling so much that he can’t manage school, making home instruction our only option.

The list goes on and on. The reality is that I can’t seem to move us forward. I can’t seem to get the proverbial car, back on the road. My kids deserve so much better than this, better than me.

I know that depression is kicking my ass and heavily influencing my emotional state. I’m taking my meds, going to therapy and walking as often as I can get away. I just lack the resources to manage all of this stuff. I feel isolated, alone and very much in over my head.

Depression is weighing me down and I can’t seem to fight back hard enough to break free of its grasp.

I’m very focused on this upcoming trip because while it’s an amazing opportunitt, the kids desperately need to get away from all the shit going on in our lives. I desperately need to get away from all the shit as well. We need to walk away from our troubles for just a little while, spend some time together as a family, make memories, give back and find a renewed since of strength that will help to propel us forward.

Right now, I’m reduced to living hour by hour. It’s not as bad as minute by minute but it’s bad enough.

We really need to catch a break and find our footing. I need to be a better leader, so I can guide us though the storm and towards a brighter day.