I've gotten out the habit of writing again. I'm struggling a bit but I'm surviving and determined to get righted.
Yesterday the boys had a pleasant visit with their mom and grandparents. They were only gone for a few hours but the quality of those hours is what matters. I used the time to go walking and OMG did that feel good.
Elliott is still struggling with many things related to the divorce and it's really hard to see him going through this. I'm powerless to help with some of this stuff because it's outside of what I have control over. It's impacting many aspects of his life and even his teachers are very concerned.
That weighs heavy on me and it's hard to focus on much else when your kids are in distress.
That being said, I'm trying very hard to provide distractions and direction. Dead time is our enemy right now and keeping everyone busy will help to keep their minds occupied with things other than all they've lost.
As an example, last night the kids and I went to my brother's house to take part in the gender reveal of their 2nd child. Normally, I would limit things like this immediately after a visit because they're already emotionally charged and in need of some downtime to decompress.
I asked the boys if they wanted to go, knowing that they would jump at the opportunity.
We ended up spending a few hours with our family. The kids spent time with their little cousin and got to be kids for a bit. They had a really good time, as did I. Elliott even pulled out of his funk for a little while and enjoyed himself as well.
On the way home, we voted to stop at the grocery store so we could avoid having to go out again today.
Elliott's mood had declined by that point and he was refusing to talk. He would type out his words in a word doc on his phone and that was his way of communicating last night after the party.
He did manage to fall asleep which is very positive because sleep is a problem for him right now.
Mr. Emmett on the other hand, was unable to sleep. He came into my room about 11pm and finished watching a movie with me. Eventually, he opted to go back to his own bed where he was finally able to fall asleep.
Gavin is doing fine or at least his version of fine. Right now he's very focused on the Sonic movie coming out soon. Nothing else really matters to him at the moment.
Anyway, that's what's going on right now and for the most part gets you caught up.
My goal is to write a bit more today and try to get back into the swing of things. Depression is making things much harder for me right now than they have to be but I'm moving forward, albeit slowly.
