It was another difficult night and a very challenging morning. Elliott didn't want to go to school again because when he's there, he can't stop thinking about him mom leaving and our ferret dying. He's worried about what the teachers might say when he becomes upset. He's an anxious kid to begin with and he's miserable because of all this. He ultimately went and I'm so proud of him for doing that. I know he's going to have a rough day but if he can stick it out, they will eventually get better.
Emmett on the other hand, refused to go to school. This is coming from a kid who's favorite place in the world is often school.
There are a number of reasons for him not wanting to go to school. Some are in line with Elliott, especially in regards to his mom and the ferret. Where Emmett differs a little bit is that he has an actual medical condition that's causing him a great deal of pain.
It's one thing to push them to make it through the emotional distress during the school day but physical pain is something else. Emmett has these canker sores in multiple places in his mouth. They're very painful for him and are the result of his fever disorder.
They aren't contagious or anything like that. They're just very painful and for a child with sensory issues, it's magnified. He can't talk, eat or drink. It's difficult for him to exist because he's in pain, even without moving his mouth. Unfortunately, he has to eat and drink but his limited menu is even further limited as a result of these flare ups.
Frozen yogurt is the goto for these periods of time. These sores can last from a few days to several weeks.
He's on medication to help limit the flare ups and it was helping a great deal. Sadly, stress seems to exacerbate condition and the last few months have been incredibly stressful. Emmett has a lifelong history of not dealing with stress well. Emmett avoids talking about things that upset him and he does so to his own detriment.
As a somewhat grounded, rational adult, I know that I can't take away his physical or emotional pain. It's just not something I can fix. As their father, it breaks me to see both he and Elliott suffering as much as they are. As their father, I feel like I'm failing them on too many levels to count.
The absolute best I can do right now is to ensure they are fed, clothed, supported, and unconditionally loved. Those are all important things but they just don't feel like enough because they're still hurting.
If someone were telling me this exact same story about their life, I would tell them they need to let go of the guilt because they are doing everything they can for their kids. I would tell them that they are one single human being and can only do so much. I would encourage them to focus on the things they're accomplishing, rather than seeing their perceived failures.
I would tell them that because I truly believe it to be the case.
Unfortunately, offering solid advice to others and following my own advice doesn't translate well. Perhaps that makes me a hypocrite but letting go of those things can be so much easier said than done.
