Gavin and I waited outside the school as we do every single day. Gavin was lost in his game and I was anxiously awaiting the doors to open so I could see how the boys did today. They’ve both been struggling at school as a result of all the recent changes that have been forced upon them.

The good news is that both of them made it through the day. Emmett was in pretty good shape and that’s awesome. Elliott on the other hand, had a pretty rough day and it absolutely breaks my heart.

When he went to school this morning, he was so stressed out that he’d broken out in hives. Before school, I gave him his new antihistamine that doubles as a mild anti-anxiety medication, hoping that would help with both but it didn’t.

He was nauseous and had a headache for most of the day. I give him all the credit in the world for sticking it out. I don’t know how to take away his pain and just let him be a kid.

At the moment, the kids are at therapy with their Mom. They’re going to have these sessions twice a month and I won’t be involved unless asked. I have mixed feelings about this but it’s important that they have this time. It’s mediated and it gives the kids a chance to air their feelings in a safe environment.

I know how they feel because I’m with them every day. The therapist knows how they feel but they haven’t reached a place where they feel comfortable being honest about their feelings with their mom. It’s understandable that they’d feel this way. To her credit, she’s absolutely encouraged them to be honest with her and has made it very clear that they don’t need to worry about protecting her feelings. For the most part, they won’t say or do anything that they fear might hurt her feelings.

These appointments will help her to reinforce with the kids that she is still there for them, even if she doesn’t live with us anymore.

It’s important and the important cannot be overstated.

Part of why I struggle with this is because I haven’t missed a therapy appointment with the kids in forever. Honestly, I don’t know that I’ve ever missed an appointment unless the appointment itself was canceled. I can count on one hand the number of appointments I’ve missed for any of my kids over the years. I feel weird about not being there but I’ll be kept in the loop.

I’m hoping this proves to be a positive experience for all of them. There’s a great deal of healing that needs to occur and honesty is a great way to help that process along.