Elliott broke down for the first time since this all happened. He sat on the floor and sobbed and sobbed. It was heartbreaking. I hugged him and told him it was going to be okay, but of course, how could he believe that? His whole world has been turned upside down. Elliott’s crying, I’m crying and the staff is in tears because this is so heartbreaking.

One of Elliott’s friends came into the office and sat down next to him. He reached out to Elliott and tried to comfort him. Keep in mind this is a school for Autistic kids. As painful as it was to see Elliott go through that, it was very moving to see his friend try and comfort him. It was awkward, but it was incredible.

Unfortunately, nothing helped until his teacher came down. She convinced him to move to a chair in another room so they could talk. I stepped into the hall to speak with some of the staff. I told them I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to navigate this.

After after ten minutes, his teacher convinced him to stay, at least for a little while.

The original plan was to leave and call to check on him about an hour later. If he still wasn’t okay, I would come to get him. I couldn’t even get that far because he did not want to let me out of his sight. I think he’s struggling with what amounts to abandonment issues and I’ll bring that up on Tuesday.

I didn’t want to leave him without him being okay with it because I don’t want him to think or feel like I’m leaving him. Does that make sense? At the same time, I feel that school is the best place for him right now. This is an awful situation and I don’t know what the right thing to do is.

I can’t even begin to explain what this was like. It rips me apart to see my kids in so much pain.

At this point, Elliott and Emmett are both at school, and I’m at home getting Gavin’s IVIG infusion started. In about twenty minutes, I’m going to call and check on the boys. The deal is, if they’re not okay, I’m coming to get them. We figured that while we need to push them, we don’t want to push them too far. They have major trust issues, and I need to be very careful with that.

This sucks. It kills me to see my kids hurting and not be able to take away their pain. A situation like this is difficult for any child, however, kids with Autism can experience these things so much more intensely, while at the same time, lacking some of the basic tools to help them cope.

I hate everything about this, and all I can do is help guide them through. I’ll be there to celebrate the joys, help them up when they stumble, and I’ll carry them when they need it.

I wish things were different, but they aren’t, and I can’t do anything to change that. I’m so sorry they have to experience this. I’m so so sorry. 😔