I'm not looking forward to this week. We have a huge decision to make in regards to Gavin's medication and I have oral surgery scheduled for this Friday.
I feel absolutely zero excitement for either of these things and frankly, I'm very much on edge.
Doing right by Gavin is a very difficult task because it's rarely black and white. In most cases, it's complex, convoluted, confusing and utterly grey. There's no clear cut right or wrong answer and we often find ourselves having to pick between several terrible options.
As far as my oral surgery goes, I'm pretty freaked out. I was traumatized during emergency oral surgery as a small child and so there's a whole lot of baggage here.
I'm having my 3 wisdom teeth removed and the reality is, that's not a huge deal at all. Unfortunately, all I can remember is my experience as a kid and I panic.
This is basically elective because there's no problem at the moment. Left alone however, the one tooth that is partially impacted can become an issue. It's best to deal with this before there's actually a problem.
As many of you know, I was terrified of the dentist as a result of my negative experience and stopped going in college. I let fear control me and I spent 20 years wanting to return but too afraid to do so. I finally went back to the dentist in December of last year and feel great about it. I only had to have one previous filling replaced and that was it.
I also learned that I needed to get my wisdom teeth out.
In my last dental xray while in college, I didn't show any signs of wisdom teeth and so I thought I wasn't going to get them. Mine just came in much later in life.
My oral surgeon is a friend from high school, who's very, very good at what he does. I'm very lucky to have him being the one to do this. He said I should be in and out of the office in about an hour. I'm getting general anesthesia, so I'll be unconscious during the 20 minute procedure. ☺
While I'm not excited about this, I am looking forward to overcoming this last major obstacle in my life. The whole dentist thing was so consuming and this is no different. Being able to take back control is a powerful thing.
Anyway, I'm pretty stressed out this week and I'm trying to keep balanced. I don't want to let my personal struggles impact my family.
One day at a time. One foot in front of the other.
