One of the things that are difficult in my life as a special needs Dad is coming to terms with my own humanity. What I mean by that is accepting my limitations as a parent, embracing my emotions and not beating myself up for getting frustrated with my kids. There are a plethora of reasons that being human makes Autism and Special Needs parenting more difficult.
For the purposes of this post, I want to talk briefly about *frustration*.
There's this unspoken belief that simply because a child is Autistic, has Special Needs or maybe even fragile health, that as a parent, we aren't ever allowed to be frustrated with them. I don't know who started this or why it's such a popular belief but this needs to change because it's wrong.
I catch shit from people everytime I say this but *my kids can drive me absolutely crazy. Their behaviors are frustrating and there are times I just want to run for the hills.*
Some people take issue with that statement because saying something like that *insinuates *that my kids are bad or something to that effect. That's not the case at all.
My kids are awesome and I love them completely. Yes, they're Autistic. Yes, there are some very challenging special needs associated with them. Yes, medical fragility plays a daily role in our life as well. All these things are challenging but aside from being Autistic, requiring special care or having fragile health, they're also just kids.
I've said this a million times but I'll say it again, *kids are supposed to drive their parents crazy. We drove our parents crazy when we were kids and now it's our turn to live the dream. Being Autistic doesn't preclude them from this time honored tradition. ☺ *
If my kids didn't have any of the challenges associated with Autism or fragile health, they'd still drive me crazy. That's just the way life works. It's sorta like a right of passage. Kids drive their parents crazy.
Anyone getting all bent out of shape because someone has the courage to admit that their Autistic child is driving them nuts, says more about the person twisted into a pretzel than it does the parent of the Autistic child.
Here's the point.
As an Autism parent and advocate for almost half of my life, one of the things I push for is equality. Whenever possible, I want my kids to be treated just like anyone else. Sometimes it's simply not possible and that's okay. I think at some point in life, everyone benefits from accommodations. ☺
I want my kids to have all the same opportunities in life as everyone else. They deserve to be happy, healthy and productive members of society. They deserve to be treated with respect and accepted for who they are. I think most of us would want that for our kids. I can't imagine anyone not wanting those things for their kids.
If we want our kids to be accepted and treated as equals, why in the world would we draw the line at admitting our kids with Autism can drive us crazy?
Think about this for a second.
We want our kids to be given the same opportunities as any other kid. Whether those opportunities are school, sports, friendships and as they get older, employment. We fight tooth and nail for things like inclusion and that's good. We want the very best for our kids because we love them. Having said that, how can we push for all these things and at the same time be afraid to admit something like, *my son is driving me fucking crazy because he will not stop talking. *I've been dealing with that particular issue all day and it's true, he's driving me fucking crazy but that's okay. He's allowed to drive me crazy and I'm sure there are times when I drive him crazy. That's life and feeling those things is very human.
There's absolutely nothing wrong with admitting to yourself or someone else, that your Autistic child is driving you nuts. How many parents in general out there, can honestly say that their child never drives them crazy? Frustrating is part of parenting in general. There's simply more going on in Autism or Special Needs families and frustrations can pop up more frequently.
You're allowed to feel that way and so are other people. Don't judge yourself or anyone else for feeling anything. It's perfectly okay to admit your kids drive you nuts. I bet at some point during your own childhood, your parents said the same thing about you. ☺
