Frankly, I’m not sure if it would have been appropriate for the teachers to have had that conversation without talking to the parents first but I don’t think I would have been upset if they had. I would depend greatly on how they approached it.

Anyway, Elliott was telling me this story and as soon as he said master bait, I too heard masterbate. I knew that if the teachers were unfamiliar with what the boys were talking about, it would easily and understandably be misunderstood.

I told Elliott that his teachers thought he meant masterbate when he said master ——- bait. I sorta exaggerated the pause between the two words to help emphasis the difference.

Of course, now Elliott and Emmett both wanted an explanation for what masterbate meant and why it would be inappropriate to use that word in school.

That lead to a very awkward conversation that I bravely took on because I wanted them to understand what the teachers thought they had heard and why what they thought they had heard, was not appropriate to talk about at school. I wanted to make sure that I handled this in a way that was very matter of fact.

I didn’t want them to associate anything like shame with it because it’s important that they know what it means and that it’s a normal, healthy human action.

I also made sure to add that this is a private thing and that no one else should be doing anything like that to them. I wanted to try and keep it as age and developmentally appropriate as possible. I know that things change as they get older but at this point in time, no one outside of their doctor should ever touch them in their private areas.

I was really proud of myself for addressing this in the moment and not throwing our family therapist under the bus by telling them that we would talk about it at therapy tomorrow.

The look on their faces was that of horror and I’m not sure if I made it worse by trying to address it but goddamnit, I tried. I very much uncomfortably tried.

That has to count for something.

All joking aside, who the fuck names something an inventory item master bait in a game that kids play?