We had a pretty rough evening with Elliott. I don't talk about this a great deal but he's seriously struggling and it's absolutely breaking my heart.
He has very little control over his emotions and seems to cycle through the full gamut in a very short period of time.
I think at the very least, we're looking at serious depression. He's on antidepressants but they don't seem to be helping much. He's in individual therapy as well and he finally gets into Akron Children's behavioral health clinic in a few days.
I want so desperately to help him and in order to do that, we need to get help.
During tonight's episode, he told us that he feels dead inside. He's also told that he doesn't feel loved or taken seriously. If he is feeling those things, I need to step up my parenting game and do all I can to ensure he doesn't feel that way.
There are significant issues with his perception and he misinterprets a great many of his interactions with others, especially in emotionally charged situations.
It absolutely kills me that he doesn't feel loved or like he matters. The 3 most amazing moments in my life were when Elliott was born, Emmett was born and when I adopted Gavin.
The single scariest moments of my life where those days immediately following Elliott's birth when both of his lungs collapsed and he developed pneumonia. The 10 days or so he was in the NICU, were the scariest moments of my life because I was truly powerless to help him.
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No matter what we do or say, he doesn't feel like he matters and that's crushing for me as a parent to hear come out of my child, whom I love more than life itself.
There are lots of pieces and parts to this but we are doing everything possible to help him feel better.
I wish there was a way to know what I'm doing wrong. I wish there was a way to help him feel loved and accepted. Hopefully, Tuesday's psych appointment at Akron Children's Hospital will provide us with some insight and tools with which to help him.
I'm not super excited at all about the idea having to add medications but it's a distinct possiblity that something will need changed or added.
So long as his life improves and he benefits, we're open to medications.
Elliott is loved, cherished and respected by everyone in his life. It's our job to make sure we guide him during this dark period of his life and see him through to the other side.
He needs and deserves to feel happy.
