One of the things I try very hard to do with this blog, is be as honest and transparent as I can. There are always things that don't get shared and while I understand the desire to know more, we still need some privacy.
This is why there are times when something I say or do seems really *out of place* and that's because you're probably lacking context that would make things easier to understand.
Having said that, it's all about balance.
I try to always be positive but not at the expense of the truth. The truth is, sometimes there's a silver lining and if you just take a second, you can find it. Other times the truth is that things just suck and there isn't any amount of spin or positive thinking that will change that.
It's always been important to me personally, that I deal with the reality of situation, rather than frame things in a way that makes people more comfortable reading about it.
I'm in one of those moments where I can't see the positive. The absolute truth is that I'm struggling and doing so on multiple levels.
Life at home is so incredibly stressful and as much as I try to take care of myself, it's not making much of a difference at this point. I get points for trying but sometimes, almost doesn't count.
There are so many emotions flowing through me lately and they've taken a controlling interest in my life, at least for right now.
These aren't in any particular order but I wanted to make a list because it might help me and maybe it provides comfort to someone else out there as well.
I'm frustrated, overwhelmed, anxious, afraid, depressed and exhausted in every possible sense.
These feelings are very much getting the better of me right now and no matter how much I try, I'm not seeing the positive. I turn 40 next month and I'm not coping very well with that. I'm struggling with my own mortality and I seem to be stuck on that for a number of reasons. Most of those reasons are easily relatable if you're an Autism or special needs parent.
I'm not doing well and the reason I'm sharing this is because in doing so, maybe I can help validate what some of you are feeling.
I feel truly awful and I'm being crushed by the weight of all the responsibilities I have. Someday I'll feel better but right now, I'm not and that's what matters.
