At the advice of one of my readers, who suggested providing more insight into the how's and why's of our life, I thought I would take that advice and begin with a decision we often struggle with, every single morning.
I want to take a few minutes and explain what goes into deciding whether or not we keep Emmett home from school. This may seem like a weird topic but I know many parents in my situation, likely struggle with the same thing.
Emmett is our youngest of three with Autism, at eight years of age.
He's profoundly impacted by sensory processing disorder. He struggles with things coming into contact with his skin. Wearing clothes, shoes, socks or anything else can be very, very uncomfortable for him. In fact, it can be downright painful as well.
Emmett also struggles greatly with eating. He's so sensitive to things like color, taste, smell, presentation, shapes, texture, non-American food items touching and even changes in packaging, that it interferes with his food intake at almost every single meal.
Getting ready for school is a struggle on most days. Emmett loves school, is well liked and is at the top of his class academically. In other words, he has no reason to want to stay home.
Unfortunately, the ugly truth is that these sensory issues can interfere with Emmett going to school. Things like being unable to wear shoes and socks is the leading cause of this.
When it comes to deciding whether or not to keep pushing him or keep him home, several things come into play.
Sometimes, if we push him just enough, we can work him through the issues with his shoes and socks. These mornings aren't without massive meltdowns though.
There are other times where we have massive meltdowns to the point he actually dry heaves. He's so upset that there's absolutely no humane way to get him wearing his shoes and socks and that means there's no way for him to go to school. These days tend to be the exception to the rule but they happen more than I'd like.
The bottom line is, he desperately wants to go to school and he gets so frustrated with himself because he can't put his shoes and socks on like his brothers. We can see this in his eyes and frankly, it's heartbreaking.
It's times like this where we know that he's already spent and there's no recovering.
We know he's tried and tried but just can't get his shoes to feel right. Likewise, we know that spending an hour trying to calm him down and work through this, is more than a valid attempt.
Most importantly, we know that he's not trying to get out of school. In fact, his desire to be in school is so intense that it's a large part of why he gets so frustrated.
When he stays home, we always do so with the intention of encouraging him to try again after a little while. Sometimes that little break or late start is all he needs to get over the hurdle and we can get him to school before lunch.
The school is very supportive and understanding, especially because of how well he's doing in school. These off days don't impact him one way or another, so the absence isn't a concern for us. We're more concerned about doing what's right for our child with Autism, ADHD, Anxiety and very challenging sensory processing issues. If that means he misses of school, that's just what we have to do.
I should add that it's always a good thing to have solid, open communication with your child's teachers and school staff. It generally makes them more receptive and will to work with you.
This isn't easily understood by those outside of the special needs parenting community and that can lead to friction or misunderstandings at times.
At the end of the day though, we have to look Emmett in the eyes and be able to know that we did right by him. Forcing him to go to school, in one of these instances, would be so counter productive and frankly, harmful to a child who generalizes everything in his life.
We want to make sure our kids know that we have their back and will do whatever we can to help them navigate a life that I can only imagine. We don't give up and we do our best. We push the boundaries in order to overcome challenges but we also know when enough is enough.
Decisions like this are one of countless others, just as complex and challenging, that special needs parents face each and every day.
What works for my family *may or may not *work for yours. Having said that, my hope is that you can learn something from our experience and maybe even benefit from it as well.
I'd love to hear your thoughts, opinions and first hand experience in matters such as this. I'm also happy to entertain, well thought out questions, of a serious and non-judgmental nature. We're here to learn and grow, not criticize what we don't understand... ☺
