There's a part of me that's still getting used to my wife and I being back together, in regards to my writing anyway. I don't often include her in my writing because I got so used to avoiding any mentions while we were separated for almost two years. This is a problem, and I mean to address that moving forward.
Lizze plays a vital role in our daily life, and there are things that should be talked about. For the more personal stuff, I will refer you to her blog, www.themamaspace.com. She shares personal insights about herself and her struggle. I'll be touching on some of the basics, though.
I want to get things started by playing a little bit of catch up.
You may already know that Lizze struggles with both physical and emotional health problems. To help put things into context, here's a list of some of some challenges she deals with on a daily basis:
Physical Health Challenges
- Chronic, daily migraines that don't respond to medication
- Menopause (began at age 32)
- Ehlers-Danlos Syndrom
- Fibromyalgia
- Chronic Fatigue
- Gastroparesis
- Arthritis
- Reflux
Mental Health Challenges
- PTSD
- ADHD
- Generalized Anxiety Disorder
- Social Anxiety Disorder
- Bipolar II with Borderline tendencies
This is quite a bit, and I know I missed at least something. These range from general annoyances to very serious, in regards to how they impact her life on a daily basis.
Some of these issues are the result of extreme, chronic stress and others were payouts from the genetic lottery. The most recent and perhaps most import diagnosis was that of Bipolar II. She went for a very long time without knowing what was going on. Looking back, it helps to put many of the leftover puzzle pieces together.
Bipolar II is different than typical Bipolar disorder. With Bipolar II, her default state is that of major depression. When the pendulum swings towards manic, she will become very motivated to get things around the house done. Manic for her is more like *normal *for the rest of us. On the same token, a swing towards depression can be devastating.
All of these things impact her ability to function in everyday life.
[clickToTweet tweet="When your wife is chronically ill" quote="It's easy to judge those based on what you see, but it's what they do off the radar that shows true strength and character. -Rob Gorski"]
What amazes me personally, is how she's able to function at all. The chronic pain alone would be enough to put many of us out of commission. People who battle things like Fibromyalgia are among the strongest people I can imagine. Daily pain that is often unmanaged because of not being taken seriously. The only real treatment is pain management, and that can be a complicated mess. Things like exercise are very beneficial but that's easier said than done when it hurts to exist.
Lately, Lizze has been struggling. Her doctor is working on fine tuning her medications to manage the Bipolar, but that's not always easy or pleasant for her. Changes to meds can cause mood swings and tons of anxiety.
It's that anxiety that is impacting her the most right now.
We saw her doctor today, and her Lithium levels were very low, so her dosage was adjusted, and I believe she begins that in the next day or so. There were some small, temporary changes to her anxiety medication, as well as something to help her sleep while the medication maintenance is still underway.
Right now, she needs to remain active, while still getting more sleep. It's a weird balance game at the moment, and it's not easy for me, and it's Hell for her.
Regardless, she pushes through each day, giving it all she has and I can't help but respect that.
At the same time, it does mean that a great deal falls on my shoulders and that weight can be tough to carry. Between the on and off sleep issues the boys are having, a mattress that's not compatible with my back injury, trying to give Lizze what she needs and my personal struggles, I'm feeling relatively spent.
What helps is when Lizze can take over for a few hours, and I can crash. It doesn't always work out that way, but tonight it did, and I was able to sleep for a few hours after dinner.
It's all about balance and doing what we can when we can. Life isn't perfect, and neither are we or the people we love. We do all we can as often as possible and improvise the rest of the time.
Lizze is the strongest person I've ever met. It's easy to judge those based on what you see, but it's what they do off the radar that shows true strength and character.
