Today has not been a good day. The kids have been bouncing off the walls and Gavin has been incessantly talking all day long.
We went to my parents house for the afternoon and the boys had a great time. Unfortunately, that just sorta turbo charged their engines and has made for a really stressful evening.
Lizze had a pretty rough day to say the very least. I know she shared about how she's slipping backwards and that's largely my fault. There are still some bridges that need to be crossed with some of my siblings in regards to Lizze and I getting back together, before we can put this all behind us.
I'll be completely honest and say that it's an absolutely shitty situation to be in. I wish everyone could just be happy and supportive but that's not in the cards.
There's a great deal of emotion on both sides and we've made little head way over the last six months.
I seized an opportunity this afternoon, that I was hoping would help bridge the gap, despite knowing where Lizze was emotionally and despite her asking me not to. It backfired in a pretty major way.
I appreciate that she didn't mention that it was me that pushed her into this situation today but I totally own it and if I had it to do over again, I wouldn't have pushed...
Family can be a fickle thing and things like divorce or separation can create a rift that makes it very, very difficult for some people to move past. I don't think it's necessarily ill will but rather a side effect of being human.
If the road to hell is truly paved with good intentions, then I just put down a fresh layer of steaming hot asphalt today.
Lizze wasn't in a good place and in my attempt to help, I pushed her into situation she wasn't in a good enough place to handle..
I unconditionally support my wife and I understand exactly where she's coming from.
I'm saddened that this has gone on for so long and that it's driven such a wedge. I can see both sides of this and I know that any push back is out of concern but that concern is misguided and unnecessary.
There are some people who I know we will never be able to reach and I've chosen not to worry about them. I'm sorry that I put everyone in a position that turned out so badly. I love all my family and I know that the game will work out in time but until then, I know Lizze is hurting. I know she misses everyone and I know it weighs heavy. I also know she's tried to make things right, within her abilities to do so and it's not been enough.
I'm not personally angry with anyone. I just wish we could all move passed this without conditions. Life is too short for this shit and I'm so grateful for everyone who's been unconditionally supportive and made efforts to move forward.
I feel like we're 90% there but the last 10% is going to take more time.
Not that any of my family is going to read this, aside from my amazing Mom but for those involved today, I'm sorry I pushed when I shouldn't have.
