Lastly, as far as good news goes, he’s been off all his medication (aside from ADHD meds) for a few weeks now. This may sound strange, but there’s absolutely no difference between Elliott on and Elliott off the medications he was on.
What this tells us is that the meds weren’t doing anything positive for him and that removing them hasn’t had any negative behavioral impact. We only did this with the approval, help and guidance of his doctor. It’s proven to be for the best.
I mentioned above that we were also facing some struggles as well and that’s definitely the truth.
Elliott is extremely emotional about everything and can cry at the drop of a hat. He can sorta rage when he is challenged or pressed to do something he doesn’t want to do. I don’t know how much of this is normal pre-teen shit or how much is rooted elsewhere but it’s getting old.
He and Emmett are at each other’s throats all the time. One minute they’re getting along fine and the next minute they’re screaming at each other. Elliott is almost always the instigator and seems to enjoy creating chaos. It’s really frustrating.
Another struggle is the way he perceives the world around him. He tends to misunderstand what people’s intentions are and can hear what he wants to hear, rather than what is actually said. This is common with kids on the Autism Spectrum.
I would say that any time he’s upset or anxious, his ability to accurately perceive the world around him can be profoundly compromised. Dr. Reynolds gave it a name but I don’t remember what it is and it really doesn’t matter.
What’s important to know is that this is very difficult to navigate and one of the reasons it took so long to figure out that he was actually being bullied at school.
This makes life difficult for Elliott because he’s always been a walking anxiety attack, with impulse control issues (ADHD) but as he gets older, it’s impacting his perception. Struggling with perception has impacted his interpersonal skills a great deal.
He’s still the same sweet kid that loves animals, family, school, his friends and exploring nature. This doesn’t seem to impact his ability to empathize, show compassion, affection or anything like that. He’s an amazing kid that I couldn’t be prouder of.
There are some things we will continue to celebrate in the new year as well as things we’re going to continue working on.
I feel like part of this is indeed autism and/or ADHD, but the other part is normal sibling behavior. Your boys are together ALL THE TIME. They wake up together, go to school together, are together after school, and then go to bed together. They never do anything with friends that would have them spending time apart. Aren’t there any groups or teams that Elliott join? Boy Scouts or some sort of sports team? A little autonomy might do Elliott a world of good.
Good advice. Where we live there isn’t many options for things like this but finding something is one of our main focuses in the new year..
If you can’t find anything formal, maybe just talk to some of the other school parents and set up play dates. In all the years I’ve been reading your blog, I’ve never read about any of the kids going to a friend’s house for a birthday party or play date or read about anyone coming to the house. It’s sad to me that outside of the occasional family function, their only socialization comes from physically being in school.
Very very important point. I indirectly raised this as an obvious downside to homeschooling.
But as far as play dates go, it doesn’t need to be anything elaborate or even that prearranged, or even at someone’s house. For example, the next time you take the kids to the park (maybe bad example with winter coming but just go with it), get in touch with a couple of the boys’ classmates’ parents. Tell them “we’re going to be at the park at 3 if you want to join us.” Instant play date. Check out activities at the local library and see if any other kids would join yours there.
Do the boys ever ask for play dates or express any interest in doing anything socially outside of the family?
Yes! It doesn’t have to be anything exciting or formal, just some outside interaction. And I would imagine the adult conversation (with people who understand their lives) would be good for Rob and Lizze too. I feel like going to a park and running around and just being kids would help with the extra energy and sleeplessness too. Kids need to do more than play on tablets; they need a physical outlet for all that kid energy.
Kim, there’s another great point in there. Rob’s constantly touting his objective of ensuring that people know that they’re not alone, but just as you mentioned about the kids, we don’t really hear much about Rob himself ever socializing. The parents of the kids’ classmates could be a tremendous resource. I mean, the Internet’s great, but it’s just no substitute for people who are right there who can relate to what you’re going through and just get it. Setting up play dates could really open up a lot of doors for your whole family. I hope that’s something you’re considering, Rob. Quite honestly l’d be surprised of that hadn’t been suggested to you, particularly with all the therapies you/the family receive(s).
It’s a good idea Jimmy and one that hasn’t escaped us. As I mentioned to Kim above, it’s just not that easy. There are a great many things that happen in our daily lives that I no longer write about. I’m just too tired to rehash everything I lived through by writing about it.
You also have to remember that until June, I was on my own and barely keeping my head above water. We’ve been focusing on reintegration for most of the summer and spending time together as a family.
As we continue to financially improve, more oprions become available and more doors open. Where we live, the kids can’t play outside and there’s not a great deal to do without involving some travel.
It’s also true that we don’t have many friends because it’s not easy to maintain them and I’ve written about that many times. Going into the new year, we want to begin making smaller, sustainable changes that could include things like playdates or other group activities.
There aren’t any support groups around here either and while I’ve considered starting one, I’m already spread to thin as it is.
Anyway, rest assured that your suggestions haven’t escaped us and as the logistics become more attainable, we will absolutely move in that direction..
Thanks Jimmy. Hope you have a great week.
I think you might want to consider getting him involved in some activities on his own…check the Y or the Police Athletic League in your area. You would be surprised how quickly their attitudes can change when they are part of a team. Especially at that age.
Good advice. Where we live there isn’t many options for things like this but finding something is one of our main focuses in the new year..
If you can’t find anything formal, maybe just talk to some of the other school parents and set up play dates. In all the years I’ve been reading your blog, I’ve never read about any of the kids going to a friend’s house for a birthday party or play date or read about anyone coming to the house. It’s sad to me that outside of the occasional family function, their only socialization comes from physically being in school.
Very very important point. I indirectly raised this as an obvious downside to homeschooling.
But as far as play dates go, it doesn’t need to be anything elaborate or even that prearranged, or even at someone’s house. For example, the next time you take the kids to the park (maybe bad example with winter coming but just go with it), get in touch with a couple of the boys’ classmates’ parents. Tell them “we’re going to be at the park at 3 if you want to join us.” Instant play date. Check out activities at the local library and see if any other kids would join yours there.
Do the boys ever ask for play dates or express any interest in doing anything socially outside of the family?
Yes! It doesn’t have to be anything exciting or formal, just some outside interaction. And I would imagine the adult conversation (with people who understand their lives) would be good for Rob and Lizze too. I feel like going to a park and running around and just being kids would help with the extra energy and sleeplessness too. Kids need to do more than play on tablets; they need a physical outlet for all that kid energy.
Kim, there’s another great point in there. Rob’s constantly touting his objective of ensuring that people know that they’re not alone, but just as you mentioned about the kids, we don’t really hear much about Rob himself ever socializing. The parents of the kids’ classmates could be a tremendous resource. I mean, the Internet’s great, but it’s just no substitute for people who are right there who can relate to what you’re going through and just get it. Setting up play dates could really open up a lot of doors for your whole family. I hope that’s something you’re considering, Rob. Quite honestly l’d be surprised of that hadn’t been suggested to you, particularly with all the therapies you/the family receive(s).
It’s a good idea Jimmy and one that hasn’t escaped us. As I mentioned to Kim above, it’s just not that easy. There are a great many things that happen in our daily lives that I no longer write about. I’m just too tired to rehash everything I lived through by writing about it.
You also have to remember that until June, I was on my own and barely keeping my head above water. We’ve been focusing on reintegration for most of the summer and spending time together as a family.
As we continue to financially improve, more oprions become available and more doors open. Where we live, the kids can’t play outside and there’s not a great deal to do without involving some travel.
It’s also true that we don’t have many friends because it’s not easy to maintain them and I’ve written about that many times. Going into the new year, we want to begin making smaller, sustainable changes that could include things like playdates or other group activities.
There aren’t any support groups around here either and while I’ve considered starting one, I’m already spread to thin as it is.
Anyway, rest assured that your suggestions haven’t escaped us and as the logistics become more attainable, we will absolutely move in that direction..
Thanks Jimmy. Hope you have a great week.
Believe me I know it’s so much easier for someone else to make suggestions in comments than it is to actually do these things.
I do think you have so many challenges in so many different areas that at times it must be nearly impossible to prioritize and keep things in perspective.
All I’ll say is that when addressing these challenges sometimes it’s best to go after the ones that will give you the best bang for your buck- ones that if you address successfully, they will have direct and indirect positive affects on other related and unrelated aspects of your lives, thus addressing other challenges in ways you might not have even foreseen. The play date thing might be one of those things.
Thanks again for taking comments in the spirit that they’re intended.
I feel like part of this is indeed autism and/or ADHD, but the other part is normal sibling behavior. Your boys are together ALL THE TIME. They wake up together, go to school together, are together after school, and then go to bed together. They never do anything with friends that would have them spending time apart. Aren’t there any groups or teams that Elliott join? Boy Scouts or some sort of sports team? A little autonomy might do Elliott a world of good.
I think you might want to consider getting him involved in some activities on his own…check the Y or the Police Athletic League in your area. You would be surprised how quickly their attitudes can change when they are part of a team. Especially at that age.