I spoke earlier about how Lizze and I had our second marriage counseling session today. I'm really proud of us for taking this particular path at this particular time in our lives and I'm hoping to inspire others to do the same.
When people think of marriage counseling, I think there's an assumption that there must be trouble in a marriage to seek this kind of counseling and that couldn't be farther from the truth.
The reality is that people go to marriage counseling for many different reasons and not all are related to marital problems.
Lizze and I went through a period of separation that ended this summer but that separation had very little to do with our marriage and a great deal more to do with *caregiver burnout. *
Since Lizze and I have reconciled, we have made the decision to pursue marriage counseling, even though our actual relationship is great.
We've chosen to go to marriage counseling because we are all too aware of just how immeasurably stressful our lives are. Raising three special needs kids is not easy and if we don't take care of ourselves along the way, we're destined to repeat our run in with caregiver burnout.
During today's session, we focused on laying a foundation that we can build upon as we move forward.
One of the things that we need need to build is a more effective support network. Our parents are amazing and we would be lost without them but we need to broaden our support network to perhaps include services that might be available through local agencies as well.
Respite is something that we have never had in fifteen years of doing the Autism parenting dance. We have our parents but that's the extent.
As exhausted as Lizze and I are, we have never trusted anyone other than our immediate family to watch the kids. It takes a truly special person to take on that responsibility and the list of people we trust for that is extremely short.
What we learned today is that even if we don't add to our support system, we need to find ways to make the time we do get to ourselves as beneficial as possible.
Typically, when the kids leave for a night at their grandparents, Lizze and use the time to s-l-e-e-p... While that's definitely something we desperately need, we would also benefit from getting out of the house together as well. Money is usually a problem but there are tons of things we can do for free.
Today for example, Lizze and I went for a walk at the park. It wasn't anything crazy. We just walked and talked until we decided to head home. As simple as that was, I think we really benefited because it was time away together and talking about everything that was on our minds was really nice.
This was just an example of how we can use the time without the kids in a way that will help us to focus on each other, our marriage and even ourselves as individuals.
Going forward, I expect that we will learn more things that we can do to keep making ourselves a priority.
Our counselor stressed again today that we have to focus on what's best for us and the boys before we worry about anything or anyone else.
That's not always easy to do but when we live such a fragile existence, it definitely makes sense to make sure that the homefront always comes first.
Without going into specific details of what was discussed, which I said I wouldn't be doing, that pretty much sums up the *take away *from today's session. Again, I'm very open to talking about this so please don't hesitate to ask questions. ☺
