Gavin's been really sorta *out there, *even more so than normal. He's wanting to update us as to what's going on in his world, much more often than before.
I don't have the ability to adequately express, just how exhausting, demoralizing, heartbreaking and overwhelming it is to constantly hear about all the things he's doing. It's a constant reminder of just how bad the situation is and how powerless we are to help him.
Anymore, I'm having to tell him that *I can't listen right now. *I don't know what else to do because I can't take any more.
Lizze and I try to take turns listening, so the other gets a break but Gavin likes to tells us both at the same time. This has become what feels like a compulsory exercise for him. When he asks to update us and we tell him *not right now, *he will ask a few minutes later. I don't think he remembers that he had just asked.
This really just sucks the life right out of us. When he's done telling us everything he wants/needs to, I feel depressed. I'm already depressed to start with but I can feel a noticeable change, after having listened to him talk about all this stuff. This is such a difficult situation and unfortunately, there's no playbook for this.
I just want to close my eyes and not worry about what the next day is going to be like or whether or not I'll have the patience I need, in order to sit and listen to him throughout the day.
I'm really hoping that increasing his Clozapine was the right decision. I know he's happy but living like this has to be confusing and exhausting for him. Living with him, living like that is certainly exhausting for us...
