I’m just gonna be straight with you. I’ve given up on being positive today because everything that could have gone wrong has gone wrong. 

Sitting here on my couch tonight, I’m reliving my wife walking out on the one year anniversary of her doing just that.

I remember exactly where I was standing and it’s like I’m watching a movie of memories that brings me to tears. 

I so totally wanted today to be a liberating experience.  A day where I can break free from all that’s been weighing me down the last year.  It’s seems as though the universe doesn’t want to cut me a break though. .

Rather than drag this out, I’m just going to list all the new things that went wrong today. 

Yes, I’m sorta complaining but I’ve earned that at this point and if you don’t want to read, please feel free to move on…  No hard feelings.

1) Gavin’s speech and language skills have regressed to what is now officially considered severe levels. There’s nothing we can do to regain what he’s lost. All we can try to do is maintain what he’s still got…

2) Gavin’s Clozapine is in limbo right now because 2 days ago, the federal government changed the regulations for this particular medication and I was unable to refill his prescription this afternoon.  I have a day and a half of pills left and if he misses more than one dose, he can never go back on this medication again because it’s too dangerous.  There’s nothing left for him to take because Clozapine is an end of the road, last ditch effort kind of antipsychotic medication because of how dangerous it is.  The last time this got screwed up because of something like this, it ended up causing the bladder issues he’s not struggling with.. This is about as serious as it gets. 

3) I’m not sure the above is even going to matter at this point because Gavin is entering into a psychotic break.  He’s receiving text messages from Sonic the Hedgehog, telling him that he needs to meet someone. Sonic has also been running alongside the car today on the way to and from Akron Children’s Hospital.  He’s experiencing delusions of grandeur as well and Dr. Pattie and I just sat and listened to him go on and on at therapy tonight.. This isn’t good thing….

4) I was trying to get help with a particular situation from a local charity that is supposed to help.  After I literally made 600+ phone call attempts (it’s a first come first serve kinda thing and everyone’s calling at the same time so lots of dialing and busy signals),  I was finally able to speak with someone today.  Turns out that they can’t help me because of my situation. At the moment, my income is less than my expenses and so I don’t qualify for anything that would help.  On the anniversary of becoming a single parent and sole 24/7 caregiver to three children with special needs, that very situation is what precludes me from getting the help I need. Is that ironic? I think that’s ironic…

5) I had to explain what’s happened to my family and about my wife leaving to 4 different people today.  This never happens. Every once in awhile I have to explain to someone but it’s not something I generally talk about or enjoy talking about.. On the one year anniversary of her leaving, I have to go through the whole story,  4 different times.. It was necessary for these people to know and understand.  It’s just shitty timing…

6) Emmett’s SSI application process has been screwed up because of a computer glitch and no one has received the record requests.. I spoke with them today about it and we now have to essentially start from the beginning again. 

7) I found out this afternoon that a critical doctors office who promised me that they would have Elliott’s records faxed to social security by last Wednesday, never did it…

8) This is kinda stupid but it still sucks.  I had to buy new shoes last month because I had walked through the soles from walking this Summer.  This evening, I’ve found myself having to crazy glue the treads back on the bottom of my new shoes because they have started to fall off.  I can’t find the receipt and don’t have the box anymore. 

9) As I’m writing this post, I decided to order a pizza from my favorite place.  I never order this because the kids don’t like it and there are cheaper places to order from.. I figured it’s been a shitty day and I would just try and end it on a good note.  I order the pizza and they take my credit card number and say it’ll be within the hour.  Half way through this post, I get a call saying that they won’t deliver to my neighborhood at night because it’s too dangerous…  Sigh…….. I quit for the day…

Look,  I know I’m complaining and it’s depressing to read this stuff but this was my day. 

Simply living through today was hard enough because of what today was.  I truly went into this morning planning on taking the bull by the horn and walking away feeling like I’ve taken control back of my life.

It just didn’t work out that way….

Rather than taking the bull by the horns, the bull gored the shit out of me and left for dead.

It’s not really funny but I have to laugh because what were the odds of this all happening on one day and that one day being today?

There’s always tomorrow and I plan on starting over in the morning. 

I’ll probably just call it a night and put this day to bed before anything else can happen..

Thanks for listening to me gripe about my crappy day. I do feel bit better having now vented….. ☺