Like anyone else, I have good days and bad days. There are days where I feel like I’m taking life by the horns but there are other days where I feel like I’m being mercilessly gored by those same horns.
The reality is that I do have quite a bit on my plate. Being stressed out isn’t an inappropriate response to what my life requires from me.
I started making a list of just the major things that I’m losing sleep over and these are in not particular order:
- I’m getting divorced and it’s become complicated
- I’m raising 3 kids with very special needs on my own
- Gavin’s physical and emotional health is getting worse
- The boys are struggling with life in every way imaginable
- Our beloved dog Maggie may have cancer and has emergency surgery this week to remove a large tumor from her shoulder
- Money/Bills
- We desperately need to move because my kids don’t feel safe and for good reason
- I’m overweight and struggling to lose it
- Depression
- I’m lonely, which I know sounds really lame
These are just the ones that are weighing on me pretty heavily right now. There’s a million more things to worry about but they sorta get drown out by the above list.
I know that I’m really lucky because I have my kids 24/7 and I truly feel blessed as a result.
At the same time, I have my kids 24/7 and frankly, it’s exhausting in every possible sense of the word, as breaks are few and far between. I do get two 24 hour breaks a month and while it’s not nearly enough, it’s more than some people get. I always try to keep that in mind.
Anyway, I’m battling depression and right now I feel like it’s totally kicking my ass.
I don’t have a psychiatrist to manage medications for depression and I’m thinking that maybe I need to find one. I’ve been on Paxil for awhile through my family doctor but I might need more specialized help.
All things considered, I’m holding up really well but on the same token, I’m struggling.That being said, I have too much at stake to give up. My kids rely on me for absolutely everything and I’m not going to let them down.
