My birthday is on Monday but because my family is so large, we sorta lump all the August birthdays together and celebrate on one day. 

That day is today.. 

There’s a great deal of emotion surrounding this me and I don’t know if I’ll be able to hold it together. I know life goes on and I have a lot of life to eventually get to but it’s hard. 

I don’t know if this makes sense to anyone but I’m gonna try anyway. 

I’m not hung up on my wife. I don’t miss her, at least who she is now and I know from the bottom of my heart, that the boys and I are better off. I know that. 

At the same time, I feel this tremendous loss that I just can’t be okay with right now. 

The boys will be excited to go to the cook out later on today. Oh yeah, it’s big family cookout to celebrate everyone’s birthday and the boys will have a lot of fun. 

I’m just gonna try and muscle through and make sure this is a positive experience for the boys. Just because I’m not in the place where I want to celebrate doesn’t mean I need to rob the boys of it. 😌