Today is only the first day of Summer and I'm already overwhelmed. This transition is tough on everyone but it's particularly tough on Emmett and Lizze.
Historically, Emmett has never really done well with change and the multiple meltdowns he's had today are testament to that.
Lizze on the other hand is struggling for a different reason. Gavin is now home 24/7 and that's extremely difficult for her because of the abuse she's endured at his hands. During the school year she gets a reprieve during the day but now that schools out, there's no break and nowhere she can go to get away.
She's not sleeping at night and that makes life extra challenging as well.
One of the things I forgot to mention in my previous update about this week's trip to the Cleveland Clinic has to do with the impact this is having on her body.
Basically, treating her chronic pain, fibromyalgia and daily migraines is going to be extremely difficult because of the catastrophic amount of stress she's experiencing as a result of Gavin's behavioral problems related to Reactive Attachment Disorder.
Watching her go through this is very difficult for me and all I want to do is take away her pain.
Trying to find some kind of balance that allows Gavin to have at least some freedom whilst ensuring everyone else's safety is absolutely exhausting.
It's really hard not to be resentful towards Gavin for his behaviors and the distress they are causing everyone in the house. These behaviors are *not* Autism related and are instead related to the fact that he's considered a full blown sociopath, even though he's not yet 18 years of age.
Autism is one thing and we deal with that all the time.
Living with a sociopath is something very, very different than anything most people will ever experience.
On top of all this, I think I'm fighting off some kinda stomach bug cause I haven't been feeling well. I suppose it could be stress but either way, I'm off my game today.
I will say that I haven't lost my cool yet with anyone. I've had to raise my voice a few times but that's not too uncommon and it was mostly in relations to one of the dogs getting into something.
Something that I think society forgets is that being a special needs parent does *not *mean we come with any superhuman powers or an infinite supply of patience. I'm certainly not feeling very superhumany today and that's probably true for my on most days, at least the ones that end in "y".
I truly hope everyone is doing okay. I know first hand how trying this transitional period can be for both the child with Autism and the parent caring for them.
Please remember to take fine for yourself whenever possible because you need to replenish yourself from time to time. You're only human and you need to take care of yourself....... :-)
Best wishes.....
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