I feel sick to my stomach because I'm really scared of where this journey with Gavin is going to take us or rather take him. I told you that there were other things going on that I would explain later.
This will be quick and to the point because I have to get the boys from school.....
Basically, Gavin has begun targeting Lizze again. He waging a psychological war against her and it's already pushing Lizze to the end of her rope.
About two years ago now, Gavin was removed from the house because of these behaviors and sent to live with Lizze's parents. He was there for the better part of a year and only came home because of his health related problems.
He had become so detrimental to Lizze's everything and was a serious safety risk to everyone. He simply couldn't live here anymore. We have come full circle and find ourselves staring at the same bridge we had to cross back then. We find ourselves having to make the same painful decisions we had to make back then as well.
Lizze is already beating herself up out guilt for being afraid of him and not being able to coexist.
It's not even close to being her fault. She's done everything she can to love and support Gavin for 14 years and he's simply turned on her. There's nothing anyone can do to fix this or make him better. He is who he is and while it's not his fault that he's wired this way, he is responsible for the choices he makes.
We are very limited on options at this point.
The idea of placing him in a group home absolutely breaks my heart but that's what the recommendation is. We are going to have to revisit our quest for residential placement, even though it's never been successful in the past.
I feel like I'm sacrificing Gavin and that's going to be a huge struggle for me.
At the same time I know that we have to ensure the greater good and Gavin cannot be allowed to destroy our family. If that means we have to love him from afar, than we will love him from afar.
I don't think we can even begin to move forward on this until we see his psychiatrist on Tuesday because we will need him to help with this process......
Right now everything is up in the air and whirling all around me. If I said that I knew for sure what was going to happen, I'd be lying to you and myself.
I need to collect myself and be ready for the boys to come home. I'm hoping that getting this off my chest will help me to not fall apart while they are home. .
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