Update: Sorry about the multiple posts. I told you my phone wasn't working right. :-(
I deleted the extra uploads that took place.
I'm completely buried right now. Something I haven't really been talking about much lately is how Lizze is doing.
Typically, I don't like to speak for her because she has her own blog and shares her story there.
Having said that, she's not doing well....at all.
Menopause is not being kind to her, in any way shape or form. In fact, it's made everything worse. Her migraine is worse, her depression and anxiety is worse as well. The weather has taken a really cold turn here in Ohio and between that and menopause, she's been living in one long, giant fibro flare.
She began her estrogen last week but guess what the side effects are? That's right folks, friggin headaches, nausea, loss of appetite and feeling tired and restless, just to name a few.
These are all things she experiences everyday anyway and so all the estrogen and menopause have done is enhance these symptoms and make them worse than what they already were.
Hopefully, this is temporary as her body adjusts to the hormone replacement therapy.
As for the menopause, we have no idea how long this will last. :-(
She's literally sleeping for 12+ hours a night and is taken over by sleep during the day as well. I completely understand and this is *not* her fault, it's having a hugely negative impact on everything.
Her body has essentially crashed and just can't do anymore.
She pushes herself to help as much as she can but the price for that is extremely high for her and so honestly, it's not worth her doing that to herself.
At the same time, if she doesn't, than I'm literally on my own and that doesn't work out so well for us either.
We are waiting for an appointment with a psychiatrist at the Cleveland Clinic that specializes in anxiety and depression in menopausal women. Apparently, it's a different situation and needs a different, more specialized approach. I have to call Monday and check on that because as of now, we have no ETA on when she can get in.
While this isn't about me and I truly mean that, in a way it sorta is.
Everything that makes things more challenging for me, impacts my health, sanity and ability to function. If I go down, we all all go down.
At what point do I worry about me and not necessarily for the sake of myself, but for the sake of everyone else?
I'm trying to do way too much and the shit just keeps piling on. Gavin's health, Lizze's health, simply keeping Emmett from shoving things where they don't belong, helping to reassure an emotionally struggling Elliott Richard, finding work, keeping up with the blog (which helps with finding work) and simply continuing the losing battle of trying to juggle the bills and keep ahead of the shut off notices, is absolutely draining.
I'm worrying constantly about being able to keep up and at the same time, not let the boys and Lizze know that I'm worried.
The fact that Gavin's home again only serves to make the challenging, impossible. We have to supervise any contact with his brothers and that is proving to be very, very difficult.
Since Gavin's been home, Elliott and Emmett have been acting out a whole lot more than before. Hopefully, this is a transition period and things will improve as time goes on. Who knows? I know I don't.
Having to do this alone is just something I don't know that I can continue for much longer.
What Lizze is going through is not easy at all and it's not a mind over matter type of thing. She can't just *suck it up *and do what needs to be done. Unfortunately, that's not how this works. Her body is simply spent and we are doing everything possible to help her through this but there's no time frame for these things and this could go on for a very long time.
I'm not able to get out and walk, which was improving my health and sanity because I'm shackled to the house is killing me.
I'm at my breaking point and I need to figure something out before I drive myself into the ground.
The only thing keeping me from totally losing my mind is this blog and sharing my feelings. With that said, this POS broken phone isn't making things any easier and getting a working replacement is proving very difficult.
Overwhelmed, demoralized and helpless is the only way to describe how I'm feeling right now.
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