Gavin's been home about 24 hours already. He's actually doing pretty well and we haven't had any direct problems with him.
That doesn't mean we aren't having problems though.
Sometimes, the emotional impact of something can be just as significant and disrupting as a physical one.
This is certainly the case right now.
I love Gavin and when he's not home, I worry about him and wish that I could bring him home once again. However, it's clear to me, at least at this point that it's best that things are the way they are.
When Gavin's home, even when he's perfectly well behaved, there is a cloud of tension and anxiety that falls over everyone in the entire house.
I don't know how else to describe it.
If you are a parent, sibling or friend to someone with reactive attachment disorder, this probably makes sense to you.
It's not meant to be a put down on Gavin at all. Unfortunately, it's just the reality. While he's home, everyone's on edge. Everyone's nervous for what he might do. No one treats him any different or avoids him. In fact, the boys are thrilled that he's home and just want to play with him.
I like the visit as well.
However, none of this makes the visit any easier or the emotional fallout any less.
When you've lived with a child with RAD, you know that you can never let your guard down, no matter how pleasant they may be at that moment. What they are capable of is forever etched into your mind and you know that at any moment, things could go very badly, very quickly.
It's honestly a very conflicting experience, especially emotionally.
I can see it in the boys already. They're overstimulation shows through and their ability to cope with things is affected.
For the next few days, they will remain on edge as they slowly come down from all the excitement, anxiety and stress of having their big brother home for a day.
As much as I wish things were different, they are what they are.
All we can do at this point is make the best of what's going on and do what we can to focus on as much positive as possible.
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