I’m not in a really good place at the moment. I’m honestly feeling a little bit overwhelmed by everyone’s needs. The Lost and Tired household is full of people that have very unique and often under-met special needs.

Lizze needs the house as dark as possible to help lessen the pain from her migraines. We can’t have flowers outside or inside because the smell makes the migraines worse.  I’m happy to provide this type or environment,  at least as best I can.  However,  I thrive in the exact opposite conditions.  I love well lit rooms and I really like plants and flowers. I find it calming and relaxing.

Gavin needs a static environment.  Just about everything overwhelms him and since he has no ability to self-regulate,  the ideal environment for him would be one of very,  very little stimulation. While I do the best I can,  this is an impossible need to meet. Having said that,  I try nonetheless.

Elliott is so full of anxiety that he lives in a world of constant stress and an inability to cope with it. He needs order and routine to help him feel safe and secure.  He needs predictably and a means to have some control over his life.
I try so hard to make sure this happens but this is yet another need that I can’t meet as much as he needs me to.

Emmett.. Jesus, I don’t even know what he needs. For starters, he friggin needs his therapies back.  I one the battle with the insurance company but he still hasn’t been back.  Last I heard,  they were waiting on paperwork to go through but that was months ago.  I spoke with them a few days ago and it seems there may have been a miscommunication.  I had called and put Gavin on hold because until we get the seizures under control,  I don’t feel comfortable sending him into to something that will likely cause them. When I put Gavin on hold,  they may have thought I meant both Gavin and Emmett. They are looking into it and are supposed to call me back.

On a side note,  Elliott is still being refused by insurance,  even though he has the worst muscle tone and joints of all three boys.

Then we come to me.  The reality is that I have needs as well. I’m naturally organized and laid back.  I like to have things left,  where I left them,  so when I need them again,  I know where they are. I need to walk in order to be able to walk. Does that make sense?  I need to walk in order to reduce the pain from my back injury enough to function. I work better with a calm,  quiet place to write.  It’s so had to focus with everything that’s always going on.

It would be nice to not have a dozen or so doctors on friggin speed dial. I mean I’m glad we have them but I wish we didn’t need them as much. I wish we could go a decent period of time without a medical crisis.

I wish the boys could get along enough that I could get the million and one things done that I need to get done. I wish I was a stronger person so that I could cope better with all these things.
I wish something would just work.  I don’t mean work at first and than backfire on us. I mean actually work and make things better,  for all of us. Get out of this house and out of this neighborhood for starters. 

**Thanks for reading**

       -Lost and Tired

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