I'd almost prefer the nightmares

So you all probably know how hard we have been trying to move out of this house and neighborhood. The increasing level of violence spilling in has reach a point where it’s literally not safe to live here anymore.

We have had several close calls, on in particular involved a drive by shooting where I was almost killed.

Ever since our van was stolen, our ability to move has been hampered due to the additional expense of having to buy a new van and what we had to put down in order to get financed. Basically, we’re stuck here, at least for now.

I think we have all adjusted to that notion, however, the kids keep asking when we will be able to move. Gavin in particular, seems to be pretty focused on moving and that focus seems to have come out of nowhere.

Anyway, for the last few weeks, I have been having this reoccurring dream. This dream is really kinda weird because every time I have it, it feels like the first time but I already know what’s going to happen. Does that make sense?

Basically, the dream centers around moving to a new house. I only ever remember the context of the dream and glimpses of the house we moved to. I never see the neighborhood but I do remember that the house is as close to perfect as we could ever get without building new.

I have this same dream at least 3 times a week. I don’t know whether to be hopeful or depressed. Honestly, I’m really happy in the dream and when I wake up it’s pretty depressing. Maybe it’s a sign of things to come but it really is quite tortuous. I want so badly to get my family out of here and into a place that is safer but I can’t make it happen.

Maybe it’s a sign for me not to give up hope. However, I think it may be a little to late for that.

On the plus side, because I’m trying to find the positive here, this dream of being able to move my family has replaced the longstanding dream of my teeth falling out. I’ve had that nightmare ever since I was a kid and had a tooth knocked out and surgically reimplanted.

This post is really kinda off topic and doesn’t really serve a purpose aside from sharing a little more about me.

**Thanks for reading**

-Lost and Tired

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