After a physically and emotionally draining day and a restless night reality is beginning to set in. Right now I feel kind of numb and disconnected. My head is swimming with thoughts and fears about this new direction our journey is taking us on. I don’t know where we are going now. I’ve lost all sense of direction.
For the longest time, we have been fighting the same exact fight, day in and day out. We never really won the battle but we always lived to fight another day. Some might call that in and of itself a victory. Perhaps under better circumstances I would as well. However, right now I’m just Lost and Tired. I’m completely overwhelmed by what I know lies in front of us and terrified of what has yet to appear.
Rob, I just found your blog today through Kim at "Countering," and just wanted to say you and your boys will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Thank you very much. :-
hello I'm not sure if you have ever read this but i did and loved it as it does let you know you are not alone…….
WELCOME TO HOLLAND
by
Emily Perl Kingsley.
c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved
I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability – to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this……
When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip – to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around…. and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills….and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy… and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away… because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But… if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things … about Holland.
That is an amazing story and a perfect analogy. Thank you so much for sharing that. Wow, that is just awesome.
Take strength from da fact your children need u. God gave them the best candidate to love them and protect them. Its not by accident u have those children. Its by devine intervention.
I’m a single parent with an autistic child. No family no support. I’m alone with my boy. If anything happens 2 me what then happens to him. But his needs are primary. I feel sorry 4 myself on my own time. But I don’t lose focus on what’s important. Turn to God u will be surprised where u get the strength to be invincible. Don’t lose hope.
I have nothing but respect for you. I don\’t know how you do it but you are absolutely inspiring. Thank you for you sharing your story.
Wow… Amazing. 🙂
Lost and Tired. But not alone. Just remember that 😉
Thank "Aunt" Nikky 😉