When it rains it pours. We’ve all heard that one before. At the Lost and Tired house, however, it goes more like this: “when it rains it pours….inside our house”. Apparently the gutters on the 3rd floor must be clogged again because it’s raining inside the house. The water runs over the gutters and down the outside of the house (you know, path of least resistance and all) and into our living room through the windows and around the windows. Have I mentioned before just how much I love this house? Just in case it didn’t translate well online, that was total sarcasm.
The boys had great days at school today so that was AWESOME. I called and picked up the van today. It would otherwise be just sitting there until at least Tuesday. They can’t find ANYTHING wrong with it but they know it’s there somewhere. My parents need to have their car back so it just made sense to pick up the van, at least for emergencies over the weekend. Their advice to me was “don’t drive it”. I have very little intention of driving it..at least with the kids in the car. While I’m on the topic of my lovely van I wanted to explain something and maybe some of you can relate.
Kids on the spectrum are prone to anxiety, I think we all know that by now, right? My kids are VERY prone to anxiety, especially Gavin. While I realize that many people drive “less-than reliable” cars it presents a very unique problem for aside for the obvious. The boys are VERY aware the van is having problems. If they weren’t before they were after the other night’s break down and the nightmare that ensued. See the problem is that my boys become VERY anxious when they know something isn’t right. For example, a few years ago Gavin was riding in the car with someone who ran out of gas. NO..it wasn’t me…give me some credit. However, since that time Gavin has been…well…paranoid (for lack of a better word) about running out of gas. He’s always asking if we should stop for gas. It actually kinda freaks Elliott out. So just imagine the anxiety associated with riding in the van after the other night. I feels like I’m torturing them by putting them in the van until I can tell them that it’s fixed. So there is quiet a bit of pressure I feel to get this things fixed or replaced because at this point we may be knocking on that door.
So this has been a mixed bag or good and bad. Oh and Emmett snuck out of the house naked and I mean naked. I had just walked in the house and was putting my things down and he ran around the corner completely naked and popped open the front door all while giggling uncontrollably. I guess it was kinda of funny but at the same time not really. It was more funny just hearing him giggling. Anyway all the mini’s are down for the night..well..at least until they wake up. sigh………
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It will be great if you can get an out-of-the box forum at some point. It will be my favorite parking place. I was so done with all the conventional solutions by the time I got to my third autistic kid.
Here is an unconventional idea for brothers attacking each other: Your Elliot Richard has a bearded dragon, doesn't he? I have learned some stuff from observing small reptiles and how they protect themselves from attack. They don't fight back. I like the way the chuckwalla wedges himself in a crack and puffs up, and the way the hog-nosed snake plays dead. I am a small defenseless mother and my little boy can be very aggressive. I have taught the other kids to practically "dig in" when he gets aggressive. They sit on the floor back against the wall in the crash position. That conveys the message to him that there is no use fighting. If the aggressive little brother still tries to hurt us, i.e. hair pulling etc, we can grab his hands and very importantly NOT MAKE EYE CONTACT. You would not believe how boring that is to a child who is looking for a fight.
It takes quite a bit of stubborness and persistance and fighting the urge to hit back, but most of the time Derek collects his wits and runs off to make mischief elsewhere. Our non-verbal message in this non-aggressive defense is: "We love you too much to teach you to hit, and we love ourselves too much to let you hurt us"
Your Elliot Richard seems to be such a sweet, gentle child that a sibling looking for a fight might pick on him because it seems safe. Peaceful defense is very powerful, because self-control can sometimes intimidate an aggressor. But, I agree, that this may not work all the time, and to use it, it is good to have some sort of "fortress" like furniture or a corner of the room. Reptiles take pretty good care of themselves near the rocks and other hiding places. Anyway this has had quite a lasting effect on teaching our child to rely on other methods of communication. It gives him a chance to cool down at which point he might start pestering for a snack etc, but it's definitely better than hitting and clawing.
That is an AWESOME idea. It will be added to our roster. Thank You
My recent post So I had this idea…Android and Autism
Bonnie – love your idea as well. I might have to add it to the Moody rulebook! –Kat
My recent post Ya’ Think ‘Child With Autism May Affect Family Income’
So your gutters do that too! Water running down the the side of the house and into the windows and onto the floor. I don't know what is with these ancient houses! I removed the storm window from one and that stopped it on one side. Maybe if I get some drain holes drilled in the other storm window it will drain back out again and not into the house. Thanks for not telling me to get new windows. Who can afford that?
We would have 30 something + windows to replace if I could. They are original to the 105 year old house. Needless to say they have ALL seen better days. At least we aren't alone…right?
My recent post So I had this idea…Android and Autism
Oh Rob, I can relate!
In our house it is a bit the other way around. It is my husband who has health problems, who in fact shares the same rare disease that my boys all have. The same rare disease that helped them win that genetic lottery supposedly helped cause their autism. And epilepsy. We're very lucky that way. *coughs*
Great post. Anxiety in those on the spectrum is an everyday occurrence here in Moody-land as well. How old are your guys? Sorry, I didn't have time to read through the whole site yet, and I'm sure you have probably included it somewhere! Mine are 12, 11, and 6 (two weeks 'til 7!). The anxiety can be over something that happened once, long ago, but they remember it like it happened yesterday, and remind you of it, over and over again. I feel for you, with my guys and other issues I have a full plate so I can only imagine how your world feels sometimes. Look me up at Kat's Cafe and we can commiserate over naked kids, anxiety attacks, and the complete and utter joy that comes from knowing that your child will ask that question for the hundredth time. *grins*
Kat
ps – I have to ask:
How did you get the "Causes" code on your page? I couldn't get it to work on mine 🙁
My recent post Autism and Cops- When Two Worlds Meet via Autism Speaks Official Blog
Kat,
Thanks for the response. My boys are 11, 5, 3 (next month). Gavin, especially has anxiety issues. He will remember something that happened to him 5 years ago and react as though it just happened today. My thoughts are with you as well. Your plate is full much like mine.
As far as the code for the cause goes I got mine on the cause page. I added a simple text widget and copied the code there. Depending on your site or blog it may or may not work. Let me know if I can help.
My recent post So I had this idea…Android and Autism
I have read more of your site since I first posted and love the frank honesty and ingenious ideas you use in your parenting, and in your writing about parenting. I have been playing with the idea of letting Andy do his own book idea. He's a ham and would, I think absolutely eat up the attention, and be captivated by the process. Andy's my middle guy, whose issues are sometimes much less severe than my other guys'. I think Bobby might even enjoy the idea as well.
I can see it now – my little men will be checking site comments and statistics more than me. LOL
Yes, my plate is full, as is yours, but sometimes you end up being so much more blessed as a result (or tired, stressed … *coughs* … back to the point).
I think I am highly limited in the kind of code I can input since I am still using WordPress.com and haven't yet moved to the self-hosted realm. I keep playing with the idea. But the whole idea I loved WordPress was because, quite honestly, I am not the HTML expert I need to be in order to be successful with all the technical bells and whistles. I once knew an impressive amount of HTML and could design a webpage easily enough, but as the code becomes more complex I find my attention better suited to this business of living. 🙂
Thanks for responding, your site has quickly moved to the top of my list for sites I read during my minimal spare time.
My recent post Ya’ Think ‘Child With Autism May Affect Family Income’