I don’t think it’s a secret that I’m struggling with everything. I know that I don’t always look that good. I know I make lots of mistakes and I am far from perfect. I decided when started this blog that I would be honest even at the risk of looking bad. I could tell you that this is all a walk in the park and I’m taking it in stride. I could say I not frustrated and overwhelmed. I could pretend that I stronger then I really am and play the hero. The problem with that is it’s not even close to the truth. The truth is I’m buried. I’m in excruciating pain all the time again. The truth is that I’m overwhelmed and frustrated beyond what my words can adequately express. The truth is I am not a hero. In fact I’m the farthest thing from it. I’m someone that’s barely treading water and inadequately providing for his family. The truth isn’t pretty but it’s the truth.
I hope to share the very human side of raising 3 special needs kids. I want to show the human side of oneparent becoming ill and how that effects everything. I won’t promise this blog will be uplifting cause it really isn’t very often. I do promise that I will never sugar coat anything. I will always be honest regardless of how bad it makes me look. This is my life and I want to be able to help as many people as I with my story.
Maybe my story can can give someone insight into the struggles of raising 3 special needs kids with a sick spouse. Maybe someone out there can relate. I just want those people to know they are not alone…..
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Rob,
I went to N.C. to watch my two grandchildren for two months. When I finished I felt like the most miserable person,… worthless. That was the hardest job I've ever had. I blamed it on my age. Never the less I did not nor could not live up to my expectations. I was a failure. I wanted to run but I couldn't run from the people I loved. Two small chidren did me in. Everybody was healthy. Then Ben came to N.C. when I went home. He watched the kids for two months. He said he would work in a gas station to pay to put them in daycare. Exhausted. Everyone was healthy. We were exhausted because we wanted to give them our best. All I saw was the worst of myself. Once removed from the situation, I realized I didn't do all that bad, it was a hard time for everybody. I just wanted it to be better than it was. I know you have your own personal problems, but I think you are a hero (even if your dieing on the battlefield). I just wish that you weren't in the situation your in. I feel helpless as to what to do to get you out of it. Then again I don't know who would do a better job to replace you than you. I can pray for you and Lizze. Not just pray but really pray. You'll feel the holy spirits peace come down upon you and it will sustain you. It's good that you are both writers and can let out your feelings and concerns. I'm here if there is anything I can do for you both. Gramma's having some serious problems so you would need to give me some advanced notice to make myself avaiable to you. Also I can get some of the family together to do some sitting of the children to give you breaks. Love you, Sharon
Thank you…:)
dude, the fact that you are human and you are willing to share that as a HUMAN you make mistakes, you are imperfect (as a person and a parent) MAKES you a hero. I know I keep saying it, and will continue to say it like a broken record, because ~maybe~ one day you'll see it too. 😉